by Pastor Dunkin, ©2026
(Apr. 29, 2019) — “I was out of control, going downhill faster than a speeding bullet. I was one step away from the final sayonara, so I left, in the middle of the night. No ‘You cheated’ or goodbye. Later, the nightmares ended so I quit the drugs, the smoking and the drinking. Went to church. Clean as a whistle. Thought she didn’t want me around no more so I filed for divorce, afraid she would say, ‘Take a hike’ if I asked to come back home. The day I told her we were divorced my life ended. And that’s all I got to say on the subject.”
“D-I-V-O-R-C-E” (2:55)
“And that’s my opening. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky just wrote another bestseller about the devastating effect PTSD has on a marriage. Welcome back on ‘Pulse,’ the most-viewed information show in its time slot. What’s the title of your new book, Professor?”
“The title is ‘Talk it Over or Forever Wish You Had.’ I thought it kind-of fit the bill. It’s not uncommon, divorce caused by PTSD.”
“No, I wouldn’t think it was. I imagine it’s quite rare for a couple to survive PTSD.”
“That’s true, but the ones who do are really quite strong.”
“Your opening of the book, the part I read as my opening, that was you, was it not?”
“Yes, that was me way back in the days when I thought I knew it all when I didn’t know anything. I knew I was off-kilter but that’s all I knew. I knew sitting in the dark with the barrel of a gun in my mouth wasn’t quite normal. At least I knew that much, but that’s about all I knew and blew it off – no pun intended – when I got up to go to work the next day and then it would start all over again, the following sunset, living a life as if I were a broken record. Which it was, but I couldn’t help it. Crying over being a failure of a husband and father, sitting in the dark with a barrel of a gun in my mouth.”
“You finally sought help from the VA.”
“That I did, and all I got was a bunch of pills that I eventually flushed. They wanted to make me brain-dead and I didn’t want that. I figured I’d rather be awake and nuts instead of going through life as a big-fat-zero.”
“But the VA’s pills kept you from eating a bullet.”
“Wrong. All the VA did was prolong the agony, the nightmares I just couldn’t handle, and that’s the truth.”
“But you stopped having the nightmares; how?”
“It’s complicated, but it came down to going back to my wife, or at least making the effort, or eating a bullet. No more procrastinating; just do one or the other. Stop having the nightmares or suicide.”
“So obviously you chose your wife over blowing your brains out.”
“That I did, but I thought she wouldn’t want me around, so I figured I’d give her what I thought she wanted, a divorce.”
“But by that time, you were clean. You quit smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol and no drugs. You were liked at your church and did well at work. You were respected.”
“That may be true, but I was also afraid of rejection, sad to say. It’s sad because I was afraid she wouldn’t want me back and I’d miss her, so I never said a word, but unfortunately, I got the same result for not asking, so there it goes.”
“There it goes.”
“There it went. I wrote the book so others don’t make the same mistakes I did. The key is communication, as in ‘What you got to lose?’ Hard lesson to learn. I think of all those Veterans who committed suicide — well, maybe if they weren’t afraid of talking about it, talking over their fears and problems, well maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t have done away with themselves, is all I’ve got to say.”
“It seems like it’s a very selfish thing to do, suicide.”
“Not from their side. They think it’s doing the world a favor, like when I left my wife. I thought she’d be better off without me, so I left. It’s not complicated.”
“But suicide is still a very selfish act.”
“Easy for you to say, but if it’s the only way to escape the nightmares, it’s a release and makes perfect sense.”
“But the Bible says suicide is forbidden.”
“That is true, but think about it: what if you dreaded going to sleep every night? Not a good place to be, of this I assure you. It’s all you could think about from the moment you woke in the morning to your last thought of the day, dreading another possible nightmare where you wake sweating, shaking and afraid out of your mind. Suicide becomes a viable option, believe me.”
“You were going to say?”
“They were normal when they deployed and came back not so normal. The key is to get them back as close to normal as possible, and that’s what my book is about. It starts with communication. I never told my wife about my nightmares; wish I had.”
“Well, it seems you really want to help the Veterans out there who are suffering and contemplating suicide. I hope they buy your book and it helps them. This is your Pastor Dunkin, along with Professor Zorkophsky, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Moon River” (2:43)