by Henry, ©2025
(Oct. 8, 2025) — “One Summer Night” (2:15)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is Professor Wert, who is here to hawk his latest children’s book, ‘The Lost Tribe in the Woods,’ based on one of his adventures. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“I want to thank you for having me on your show to give me the opportunity to increase my sales. My desire is that I can get some kind of movie deal out of it, but short of that, to sell as many copies as I can.”
“I browsed through the copy that you sent over yesterday and I was somewhat perplexed as to the pictures in the book. Are they for real? I mean, ears? And where is this tribe?”
“All I will say about the location of this long-lost tribe is that they’re in the lower 48. Now, as far as the pictures in the book, I took the photographs myself, so they’re real.”
“But ears? Their houses look like ears; even their high-rises look like ears. For real.”
“Okay, they like ears. Why?”
“Exactly what I asked them.”
“Well, what did they say?”
“They said they don’t like water. So I asked them to build a roof and they asked me, ‘What’s a roof?’ Strange, I thought.”
“You telling me.”
“True story. It seems their ancestors got the idea from taking showers under a local waterfall and noticed that the inner ear never got wet and there it is.”
“On page 27 is s photograph of what must be a hundred ear buildings. Is that for real?”
“Yes, it’s for real.”
“Unbelievable. Let’s pause for a short break.”
“First Love” (2:40)
“And we’re back with Professor Wert who wrote a book about ear buildings, right?”
“Right. Did I mention that they all had PTSD?”
“No, you missed that part.”
“Then let me bring you up to date. This ‘ear encampment’ was founded back in the early days of Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett.”
“Oh, that explains it.”
“Not quite. I uncovered some of the history, but there’s still some parts missing. Fast-forward to Vietnam and PTSD and somehow the nuts found this place and moved in. Ninety percent of the men in this ear place are nuts, understand? Completely. Vietnam, Afghanistan and everywhere else in between.”
“No woke?”
“No woke.”
“What about guys in girls’ locker rooms?”
“Get real. Alright, no stupids; does that about cover it?”
“You got it. I want to add one more thing. When I was in high school, I backed down from a fight, not because I thought I’d lose, but because I didn’t want to end up in jail. Now, years later, I think I should’ve taken that chance. Just saying.”
“Okay, I guess that’ll do it. This is Henry and Professor Wert hawking his book, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Reminder to always be armed, even while walking the dog. Let’s grab a burger: my treat.”
“Ode to Billy Joe” (4:15)
Dear Henry, What kind of ears did you say? Did you say the buildings look like human ears or elephant ears, maybe bat ears?
Miss Molly Bernard’s elementary class, Ormond Bch, FL
Dear Kid;
Human.
Henry
ps, Study and make good grades