by Henry, ©2025
(Aug. 13, 2025) — “Oklahoma” (3:05)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. And doubly welcome to the ‘Frog Jubilee,’ an event that happens every third decade after the last worldwide ‘Frog Extravaganza,’ a spectacle that occurs once every millennium or so.
“Now allow me to set the stage. No, this is not a play; it’s the real thing. That’s right; we’re in the ‘Land of Reality,’ the place where St. Peter asks if you behaved yourself. That’s right; some frogs swim in alcohol and get disgustingly drunk. I used to get inebriated myself, 23 years ago, and got ‘over the top’ — ashamed to say — more times than I care to say. I got cured, but at a horrendous cost: a divorce. Drinking wasn’t worth it and for those of you out there who imbibe, think twice about it.
“So much for ‘Monday Morning Quarterbacking,’ right? Anyway, we are in what can only be described as a jumbo jet hangar, and in the center is a life-sized balloon of an extinct ‘Frogasaurus.’
“For those of you who don’t have the benefit of watching ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot, on television, the frog balloon is 50 feet tall and 40 feet in circumference. Every three minutes, the frog’s tongue, 25 feet above the floor, extends 35 feet parallel to the floor and catches a three-foot-long – stuffed — iguana and rolls it back into its rather large mouth. The frog is colored with bright red, white, and black diagonal stripes except around the eyes, which are chartreuse. The plaque reads:
‘Great Frog of the Jurassic’
“Moving along, we spy a tent with a banner that reads:
Madam Shylock’s Fortune-Telling Emporium
$100 honest reading
$50 for ‘feel happy’ reading
Drop the money in the box prior to entering
“What do you say we give it a shot? There goes a ‘Benjamin.’”
“Welcome, Henry, enjoying the exhibits? Go ahead; you can sit on the table. No, not on the crystal ball. So, you want an honest telling. Very well, you shall have one. Please give me your hand — no, the left one. Interesting. I see a long life-line hundreds of years long. You come from a long line of very distinguished frogs; I can see that.”
“Madam Shylock, the darkest skin-tone population of the United States comprises about 15% of the total population yet commits 90% of the crime. Why is that?”
“Because they always considered education as racist, that’s why. Another reason is that, overall, they have been shortchanged in city public schools where they were advanced from grade to grade without meeting the requirements, so when they finally graduated from high school, they could neither read nor write.”
“What about sums?”
“If it has to deal with pawn shops or drug deals, they can do sums; anything else, like ‘If a can of peaches costs $1, how many cans could $5 buy?’ they are in the dark.”
“After the Vietnam ‘Police Action,’ many Vietnamese immigrated and they did very well in school, better than any other minority. What drove them?”
“Opportunity. They believed that if one is honest and works hard one will have a successful life. No drugs or Welfare. They never sat around and whined and felt sorry for themselves. Another rather extraordinary group of immigrants are the Cubans.”
“But surely, there are exceptions?”
“Always, but exceptions do not make the rule.”
“True. Trump is cleaning up Democratic sanctuary cities that, inevitably, are run by corrupt black mayors. Any thoughts on that subject?”
“Whenever blacks steal from the government, they never consider that they are part of the government for some strange reason. They can’t figure out that they’re stealing from themselves. The voters can’t seem to put 2 and 2 together, either.”
“Look, Henry, consider it impossible to fix ‘stupid’ and your life will improve tremendously overnight if you take Professor Zorkophsky’s advice.”
“Which is?”
“Well, he says that TDS, ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome,’ is incurable. He says those who are infected are mentally disturbed beyond redemption, hope, and/or desire to ever get well again, if they ever were in the first place. The professor also says that ‘stupid’ bleeds over to how Americans perceive ‘peaceful and misunderstood’ as if naming a worldview philosophy qualifies as a religion. It doesn’t. You can call something bad ‘good’ until the end of time but that doesn’t change it from being bad; it’s still bad.”
“What about kicking people in the head while they’re down? Any thoughts about that?”
“Just one: attempted murder. By the way, I think attempted murder should be equal in seriousness to MURDER ONE.”
“And the punishment?”
“Seriously? Yes, of course, that’s what you paid the 100 bucks for. The gallows. And here’s another thing. Ever hear little kiddies say, ‘Sticks and stone may break my bones, but names will never hurt me’? Of course you have; we all have. Number one, illegals have no rights, and dumb people have no right to deny their fellow citizens their rights. But let’s forget ‘rights’ and concentrate on right and wrong. Let’s say you try and kick me in the head. Bang! You are now in the waiting room at the ‘Pearly Gates.’ Question: Did you try to kick Henry in the head? Let me warn you, a ‘Yes, but’ doesn’t count; down you go.”
“That fast?”
“You’re here and misbehave, gone in a New York minute. Like that Minneapolis ‘Floyd joke of a human being.’ Give me a break. Now about the Army patrolling cities, all I got to say is, ‘Have a round chambered and we’ll sort it all out in heaven.’ Well, that’s it. Thank you for the money.”
“You’re welcome, I’m sure. Well, what did we learn? We learned that frogs don’t make fossils because frogs have no bones. And we learned that there’s going to be a lot of disappointed people out there who try and do harm to others, like kicking them in the head, and it turns out they’re the ones who’ll end up dead. Thank you for watching or reading, as the case may be. Goodnight.
“Good show. Madam Shylock brought me a treat, so I’ll grab a dog for her on the way back.”