by Henry, ©2025
(May 27, 2025) — “There is Nothing Like a Dame” (2:35)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. It’s been months and still no word about the closest thing anyone can get to have men in women’s locker rooms, and that’s women aboard Navy ships. To help us sort it out is Professor ‘Zork’ Zorkophsky, a perennial bestseller and the most popular guest on the late-night talk show circuit. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Glad to set the record straight, Henry. Okay, you wouldn’t expect an Army PFC to have any input on proper Air Force etiquette of the operation of the staircase any more than you would expect a Jarhead to have a clue about Navy etiquette aboard a man-o-war.”
“That makes perfect sense.”
“I’m glad you agree. And before anyone raises his hand and suggests ‘a study’, go fly a kite. I don’t mean to sound rude or flippant, but stupidity through the ages has got a lot of young men killed for nothing. First of all, irrespective of the situation, women around men are an entirely different scenario than men among no women. Fact of life. Look it up.”
“I think that goes without saying.”
“Right, anyone with half a brain would think that. However, there are some who think that women aboard Navy vessels are exempt from the DEI wokeness that almost destroyed our Republic, believe me.”
“Oh, we believe you; we’re on your side, the side of common sense.”
“You said it, common sense. Anyone stupid enough to argue for women on Navy ships surely lacks common sense, has never served in the Navy, has never served on a Navy ship under for-real battle stations and not some fanciful drill to beat a stopwatch. If you want to make a case for women aboard Navy fighting ships and not hospital ships or Coast Guard ships that get to berth at home port every night, go make your case to a brain-dead, flatlined-liberal who voted for Hillary, Biden, and the ‘Cackle Queen.’”
“That makes sense.”
“Women aboard a ‘Blue Water’ Navy ship is woke; there’s no two ways about it. You can’t talk around it, and you certainly can’t ignore it. Either it’s a man’s Navy or some coed ‘women’s sailing club’ where men are allowed because of some belief in equality when the question isn’t equality but survivability, and the sooner we can get that message across to the slow thinkers the sooner we can fight a naval battle and win for sure because as it is I’m betting on the other side to be victorious.”
“No way.”
“Everything being equal, the side that has females aboard will be sunk.”
“That’s pretty dire, I mean, betting against your own side and all.”
“Look at it this way. Two ships, one all men, the other a mix. Maybe it’s Civil War ships, maybe Viking longboats, maybe 1812 ‘Ships-of-the-Line,’ maybe 2025 destroyers. All I’m saying is the one that has the women will be sunk, okay? Okay, maybe not every time, but why chance it? And that’s my point; understand now?”
“Got it, and I hope Pete does, too. Well, that’s all the time we have, so, on behalf of Zork, this is Henry wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. You know we have a microwave so you’ve a choice between frozen sliders or fresh grubs, maybe you would like to garnish your sliders with grubs: my treat.”
[Remember, it’s not a question of ability but rather the possibility of distraction where even the slightest distraction may be enough to turn the tide and sink the ship. I ask you, is it worth the risk? I think not.]
“The Last Farewell” (3:43)
Henry