by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Apr. 4, 2025) — “Alley Oop” (2:38)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is Professor ‘Zork’ Zorkophsky who has a world premiere scheduled for when, now? It says here that you’ve brought a trailer for your latest feature film; am I reading this introductory card right? Interesting, to say the least. First, welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot and, second, care to set the stage for us?”
“Most gladly, Roving, and thank you for allowing me to hawk my film, ‘Fido Rex.’ Unbelievable as it may seem, but I actually found a reel of film in a cave that was home to some of our ancestors 65 million years ago.”
“Unbelievable. A roll of film?”
“Many rolls perfectly preserved in honey; no kidding. Now we all know that the health of bees determines the health of our planet so it’s not as far-fetched as one may think at first.”
“Try me.”
“I’ll let the film speak for itself. Roll it.”
The music of “Space Odyssey Theme” (1:53) is played over the credits and then we see a tranquil family scene with who is obviously the man-of-the-cave roasting a baby Pterodactyl over a fire while some little kids are throwing a stick to a Velociraptor. At the same time, the mother is behind the camera which she sets down; she then walks in front over to the cook while signaling the kiddies to come over and join in the picture. Just then a rather large, fully-grown Tyrannosaurus enters the picture, grabs the cooking bird and runs off.
The father yells, “Hey, Hank, your T-rex got loose again and ate our bird!”
Then the song “The End of the World” (2:37) is played while the closing credits appear. Then, at the end of the song, we see “FINI.”
“And that’s it. It’s exactly what we discovered in a remote cave near the Grand Canyon, and the only doctoring we did was to clean it and put it on a disc format.”
“So, let me get this straight. You found some film that is 65 million years old?”
“Super 16-millimeter film, encased in honey, in a cave; that’s right.”
“In color with sound?”
“That’s right, in color with stereo sound.”
“And they spoke English?”
“The speech we heard is described as ‘American English.’”
“Now, if that weren’t enough, they had pet meat-eating dinosaurs; am I right?”
“Right as rain. Heck, we have pet dogs that eat meat.”
“And somewhere in your full-length feature film someone has a statue of Trump, is that right?”
“Yes, they say, and I quote, ‘He’s the Man,’ unquote.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Well, Roving, all I can say is see the film and then tell me what you think. Fair enough?”
“You got me there. Okay, where can I see the film and how much are tickets?”
“All I can answer is ‘soon’ and ‘expensive,’ but it’ll be worth it. You may want to buy a likeness of Trump in the lobby on your way out, after the movie, and maybe some DVDs for your friends, all to help offset the huge expense to pay for the archaeological investigation.”
“For sure. So, dinosaurs were pets, and our 65-million-year-old ancestors spoke English and filmed it all. You gotta love it. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show, unbelievable, but good. Burger time: my treat.”