by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Mar. 5, 2025) — “He Ain’t Heavy” (4:17)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert will be our featured guest to hawk his latest book, ‘Once Upon a Time,’ a book about comparing what life was like in the United States before Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, and now. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for the invite, Roving. I always enjoy the opportunity to hawk my wares; my sales always jump afterwards.”
“What prompted you to write about such a subject? How did you get the idea?”
“Well, it came to me last year when I was a guest lecturer at a university teaching a course on writing short stories. One of the students asked why going to the moon was such a big thing, why the older generation always waved that particular flag, just as the preceding generation waved the winning World War II flag.”
“And how did you answer?”
“I answered that whatever happened in the past is a yesterday to be remembered and honored, that all the yesterdays have an equality that is shared by being in the past. I then added to it: I told him that, once upon a time in the USA, there were no random stabbings, no bombs set off at marathon finish lines, and no cars deliberately driven into crowds.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘No way, man’; I kid you not. I also told him that when a cop yelled, ‘Stop or I’ll shoot!’ they did and none of this ‘shooting to maim.’ I told him that child molesters were executed, as were murderers.”
“Let me guess: he said, ‘No way, man.’”
“You got it. I told him that, once upon a time, America used to win wars, and then came Korea followed by Vietnam followed by Afghanistan, all because the politicians got a percentage of the kickbacks from the arms manufacturers who just loved the orders from the Pentagon. A government contract to build a submarine allowed the contractor to print money, a contract for the Air Force the same. Design changes resulted in cost overruns, ad infinitum, with no end in sight. The contract’s due date reads ‘five years’ but delivered in ten, and ‘We’ll wave any late fees’ for ‘failure to complete.’ I have a few chapters on education, or, more specifically, ‘lack of education.’”
“Care to elaborate a little bit? But first, what do you say we take a short commercial break? Be right back.”
“I Love How You Love Me” (2:09)
“And we’re back. What’s wrong with our education?”
“I’ll tell you. At random, I choose a young lady to please step up to the chalkboard and draw a map of the world with the continents and the oceans; she got the round part right. I then asked a student to draw a map of the United States and each individual state; he thought ‘New Mexico’ was part of Mexico, and that’s how I came up with the idea for the book.”
“So, it’s a textbook?”
“No, I wrote it as a ‘mystery novel.’ Here’s an example: Amani attended 7th grade someplace in Minnesota and one day she came to class wearing fingernail polish. The next day she came to class without any fingernails; she said she ‘lost’ them. Couple of months later she came to class wearing lipstick. A week later they found her in the landfill. Go figure. The motive? Maybe your career path should be a police detective.”
“Any more examples?”
“Too many to list; buy the book. I’ll tell you one more, though. Muslims move into an area and the animal shelter reported that all the animals were ‘adopted.’ Weren’t they surprised to eventually discover their beheaded bodies in the town dump?”
“I’m beginning to see a connection.”
“And not one of assimilating into Western Civilization, that’s for sure.”
“We’re about out of time; any important tidbits to whet our appetite to read the book?”
“Well, I’d have to just say that I joined the United States military to protect and defend the Constitution, and it really burns me to no end to see idiots waving Islamic flags and Jew- bashing. Not in my country. If you say they have a right to ‘free speech,’ then maybe I have a right to shut them up, and if you don’t care for my attitude, then you haven’t heard nothing yet. I’ve been ambushed and, at one time, had a knife at my throat while wearing the uniform of the United States military, and it gets my blood boiling to see one Muslim in my country. The Muslims are here to kill us; make no mistake about it, so when Tom Homan finally gets around to deporting Ilhan Omar, the Muslim Brotherhood, members of CAIR, and the rest of the brood, it can’t be soon enough.”*
“Well said, and I see we’ve just run out of time, so this is your Roving Reporter, along with the popular author of children books, Professor Wert, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Can’t be soon enough: Talk is cheap. Tom Homan, if you need help escorting Omar out of the country, I’ll do it for free.]
[Not to beat a dead horse, but all Muslims do is kill; it’s what they do. When they go on a stabbing spree, don’t be surprised; it’s what they do. When they plow down people with a vehicle, don’t act surprised; it’s what they do. And when they behead their daughter for some imagined infraction, heck, it’s what they do, so don’t be surprised. Muslims murder more Christians per day than Jews; don’t be surprised.]
[You want the truth? Trump is the Alpha Male. Period. End of story. “Take me to your leader” ends with Trump and don’t you forget it.”
“It Hurts Me Too” (3:18)