by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Feb. 19, 2025) — “Jubilee Stomp” (3:46)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is Professor Zorkophsky who wrote another bestseller, so here he is to hawk his latest book. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for inviting me, Roving, always enjoy the burgers after the show. We all know that another and another and another October 7 will happen somewhere at some time, and if it’s not the Jews who will get massacred it’ll be the Christians or some other unlucky group who believes in the ‘Golden Rule.’ Needless to say, there is no ‘Golden Rule’ in Islam. Matter of fact, the only reasonable expectation anyone can have of a Muslim is a recent murder, an ongoing torture or a killing that is about to happen. A ‘normal’ Muslim maims while a ‘radicalized’ Muslim kills, so they say.”
“Interesting. What’s the title of your book?”
“’You’re Not Going to Believe This.’”
“Sure I will; go ahead and tell us.”
“Just did. Now listen, I’m a card-carrying professional psychiatrist and I write about the limitless human imagination; I write about how maybe the universe has always been, never a beginning and never an end.”
“But it had to start at some time, didn’t it?”
“Why, why did the universe have to start at some time? Maybe the word ‘forever’ actually means forever; maybe the thing you love you’ll love forever. Look, the point is that if you believe in and live the ‘Golden Rule’ you’ll have a head start on life so your dying thoughts will be good ones instead of otherwise. That’s all I’m saying.”
“In what style is the book written?”
“I wrote it as a love story, a real tearjerker. It’s about an astronomer who spends his life looking at the heavens when all along he was married to an angel and didn’t know it until it was too late. Sad story. As I said, a real tearjerker.”
“You said at the beginning that the Muslims will do another October 7. Do you really believe that?”
“Simple arithmetic: Muslims don’t tell time as we do. We’re on the ‘Bugs Bunny’ clock while they use sundials. As they say, patience is a virtue.’
‘Which we don’t have…”
“And they do, which is why when they say, ‘We will out-birth you, then we will out- vote you,’ we need to believe them. They’ll replace our Constitution with their Sharia Law by simply out-voting us. Goodbye, America.”
“And with that we’ll take a short break. Don’t go anywhere; be right back.”
“Clarinet Solo” (1:57)
“And we’re back with Zork hawking his latest bestseller. So, do you think you can make a movie out of it?”
“You bet, but here’s the thing: I just can’t figure the location.”
“What about Hawaii? Sounds like it would be the perfect place.”
“You know, I believe you’re right. I’ll fly out Friday, check locations.”
“Great. Now, about this ‘Dark Energy’; any thoughts?”
“I think we have to go back to the beginning and think way outside the box. It’s like archeology: they keep on finding human bones millions and millions of years old, some under coal deposits.”
“That would make them 250 million years old, right?”
“Right, so either they’re not human – which they are, or else we better start rewriting history, which I’m doing with this book. Like I said, the better our instruments get, the farther back in time we go.”
“That’s right, isn’t it, with these newfound metal detectors and portable X-ray machines.”
“Not to mention the JWST, James Webb Space Telescope.”
“Far out, and with that we’ll be signing off. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”