WERE THE OLD WAYS BETTER?
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Aug. 23, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that lets the regular folk get heard. Maybe we ought to change the name to ‘Under the Awning,’ or ‘Awning Conversations’ because we’re back across the street from the railroad station.
“Excuse me, Miss, Chief New Leaf here.”
“Howdy, Chief. Whatever happened to Mr. Roving Reporter? Is he still on sabbatical? When’s he coming back?”
“He says he’s relaxing as he’s talking to the dead, last we heard. He’s been going to some grave in Nevada and talking to a headstone at a Veteran cemetery, believe it or not. Now for the question of the day: Should the children of illegal immigrants be deported?”
“Are you kidding? Don’t tell me you’re a ‘Dream Actor.’ Let’s say a rattlesnake comes in your backyard and lays eggs. You take a shovel and kill the rattlesnake; what you going to do, allow the babies to run loose? I think not. Any more bright questions? And here comes our train. Bye.”
“Goodbye and thank you for your answer, I’m sure. Oh, hello, sir. Oh, no, the Vet with the talking dog. Okay, what’s up?”
“What’s up? You mean besides the stupidity of the Americans? You mean there’s still millions of Americans who think that Islam is a religion? I guess not many, although I did start my ventriloquist lessons yesterday.”
“Oh, boy, I can’t wait to hear it.”
“I’m not sure if you’re rude or just following in the footsteps of Mr. Roving. Nevertheless, I’m prepared to give you a demonstration.”
“No, no. Not necessary. Just tell us what’s on your mind, or what’s on the dog’s mind.”
“Well, certainly not Vince Foster. Seems he’s become a dead persona non grata. But it’s all this flooding. Look, anyplace would have flooding after the deluge that was dumped on Louisiana.
“I’m talking about the flooding every spring. You know, you of all people should know how much the white man messed up the system. The white man killed the Beaver for hats, for God’s sake. You Indians could’ve used hats, but you never wiped out Beaver populations, did you? No, of course not.
“What I’m saying is that maybe bring back the Beaver and fire the Army Corps of Engineers. And take back our Panama Canal while we’re at it.”
“Oh, is that all?”
“Yes, besides the BIRTH CERTIFICATE we’re fine. We’re on our way to the dog park. Bye.”
“Goodbye. Good luck with your ventriloquist lessons. Anyone else? Oh, hello. Anything to say?”
“Is that gun loaded?”
“Sure is. I use it for self-protection and to protect you, too.”
“But that’s what we have the police for.”
“What we have the police for is to make the shareholders of donut shops happy. Here’s the question: do we have Islamic terrorist jihad killings in the United States?”
“Okay: you gave me any easy question. Look: remember the ‘Beltway Sniper’? Remember that his first name was ‘Mohammed’? Remember that he murdered an FBI agent? And then what? The FBI can’t say ‘Islamic Terrorist’ and they erase the word ‘Jihad’ from all of their books?
“And we don’t ask ‘What’s going on?’ because we know that the DOJ is nothing but a cesspool of traitors that have no allegiance to the Constitution but 100% of allegiance to their measly paycheck and unearned retirement.
“Don’t believe me? You’re not going to tell me that they don’t know what’s going on; that they’re that dumb and blind? Look, I’m getting a little upset; at little bit too wired. My doctor said to ‘take it easy and avoid excitement,’ so I better just sit on this-here bench and catch my breath. But then if I do, I’ll just make an easy target so I’ll skedaddle out of here. Bye. Give my regards to Roving.”
“Bye and will do. From Beavers to the Panama Canal, man, you got to just love our show. I see that our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“You know, the people are a heck of a lot smarter than the pundits we see on television. But that was right about the flooding: before the Beaver was wiped out, everything ran like clockwork, and even though devastation did occur, it wasn’t like every year; rather, it was in the stories told around the campfire. Hey, I’m hungry. I feel like barbecue. They always make great burgers: my treat.”