by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Jan. 3, 2025) —“Bantry Girl’s Lament” (5:09)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky will be our featured guest to hawk his latest bestseller, ‘The Silent Sirens,’ a book about raising the alarm on deaf ears. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Always glad to come on your show, Roving. Makes my book sales skyrocket.”
“I’m sure. First question: where did you get the idea of the title, ‘Silent Sirens?’”
“From watching the videos of Japan’s great tsunami of March 11, 2011. Granted, the people had little time in which to flee to higher ground, and if all would’ve hustled as if their lives depended upon it – which it did – the death toll would have been miniscule compared to what it was. What was apparent from the get-go was the lackadaisical way how many Japanese meandered to higher ground. ‘Need a lift?’ ‘No, thanks, it’s just a little ways.’”
“What was the death toll in Japan?”
“They say over 20,000, but they never said the number of dogs and cats, of the animals who died in the pet stores, zoos, barns, coops, pens, aquariums and in the bird cages. Okay, I know, some probably couldn’t have survived no matter how fast they acted, but surely not the number reported. Cars out for a Sunday drive when they should’ve been driving like at the Suzuka Formula One track racing Max Verstappen; people walking to higher ground when they should’ve acted as if were competing for gold on the 100-yard dash at the Olympics.”
“Watching those videos must’ve been frustrating.”
“I encourage my patients to yell at the TV. I tell them mental heath starts with participation but, ‘Lawdy Miss Clawdy’ (2:26), watching some of those people shuffle while giant waves were about to carry them away, as if the Grim Reaper was about to Scythe them down, was sad; and I was jumping out of my seat yelling, ‘Look behind you, you idiot. Run!’ to no avail. The old folks suffered too many ‘Peter and the Wolf‘ (0:20) false alarms, unfortunately for sure.”
“Will you please excuse us while we take a short commercial break? Thank you.”
“I Remember You” (1:58)
“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky hawking his latest book. So, you’ve told us the philosophy behind the title; all very well and good, so what’s the book about?”
“Please, Roving, call me ‘Zork’ because I feel it makes for a more relaxed atmosphere.”
“What’s the book about, Zork?”
“I thought you’d never ask. The book is about what may be completely obvious to you and me but to some others, a Dem, for instance, they don’t have a clue.”
“You mind explaining that?”
“No problem. Let’s say you’re on patrol and you have a choice as to who you want to ‘watch your back.’ You can pick Jim or Mohammad. Everything being equal, choose.”
“I’m picking Jim.”
“Why are you picking Jim, Roving?”
“Heck, why take a chance, right?”
“Right, why take a chance, which is why each and every Muslim must be kicked out of our military and out of our country. Why, indeed, take a chance?”
“Too bad but we’re out of time. I wish you the very best on your new book, ‘The Silent Sirens,’ which I’m sure will do very well. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“The Last One to Know” (3:11)