by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Dec. 31, 2024) — “I Believe” (2:15)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Bishop Dunkin asked if we could air his New Year’s sermon so here we are at the little church down on Hawthorn Street up in the balcony. Every pew is filled as we see the Bishop approach the pulpit.”
As the Bishop reaches the pulpit, he turns and faces the crucifix in the nave with hands raised in supplication. The people stand.
“Dear Lord, we beseech you to hear us out, flawed children that we are, stumbling through this day as all our yesterdays. We live in the bottom of the column of air that you have provided us to breathe; we keep our feet dry on the land above water; we gain sustenance from every source imaginable. Truly, we are grateful for the bounty afforded us.”
The Bishop turns and faces the congregation.
“Please be seated. Now, that’s all well and good, Lord; don’t get us wrong, but while we smile, sing and dance at our good luck, many of us don’t prepare for the tomorrows of hardship that are surely to come. We mine the earth for the ingredients with which to make stuff yet discard a large part.
“What I’m saying is that this global warming and global cooling is out of our hands, so why make an issue out of it, right? What isn’t out of our hands is our ability to pollute the Garden that you have given us. The poor of us have kids like there’s no tomorrow while those who can afford large families have few offspring. The ignorant among us don’t take the responsibility for their actions and therefore blame others for their failures, which brings us to the subject of peace and the belief in a possible utopia; excellent goals, to be sure.
“The problem with fantasy is that, one day, the Piper must be paid. Please hear me out. You wouldn’t, for example, run your household finances as the government runs theirs. If you lived on a farm, you wouldn’t treat your land the way government does. What I’m saying is that you wouldn’t toss your plastics and garbage in your pond, your source of fresh water, the way the government treats our lakes, rivers and oceans. So, why do the governments of the world act against long-range benefits of their constituents? Why do governments operate against common sense, and why do governments thwart any change for improvement?
“Education, my friends, is the key. We should follow the teachings of the Good Book: years of famine will follow years of plenty. We do not squander our opportunities because we are living for future tomorrows. We take to heart the ‘Golden Rule’; we do not clear-cut the land, nor do we dump garbage in our waters.
“I lied. We overpopulate, we rape and pillage the land and seas while the governments of the world look the other way because it is easier to look the other way than to face reality. Treating the Mediterranean like a septic tank and the oceans as where to dump our plastics isn’t such a good idea, but we do it because it’s easier than to face reality.
“We thought that the United Nations would benefit all the peoples of the world instead of letting a few greedy crooks steal us blind; reference the ‘Oil for Food’ and ‘Peacekeeping’ scams the UN has run over the years.
“Will we ever learn how to live in peace and harmony within our garden, Lord? I mean, we can do right, after all; at least we believe we can.
“Let’s have our choir sing us a song.”
“Oh Happy Day” (4:52)
“Dear Lord, I apologize for our politicians and government employees turning their backs on what are the building blocks of our country, specifically the old and the new testaments of the Bible. Our Constitution is based on the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. We believe that all citizens have equal protection, and that includes women afforded the same opportunities as men in education, travel, owning property, divorce and everything else not specified, like Article 134 of the UCMJ.
“Unfortunately, many of our own citizens are just as in the dark as to what freedom means as a jihadist. The mayors of Washington, DC and other woke cities and states need to take a course in our Constitution taught by a patriot and not by a Communist dupe. Many immigrate who have no inclination of accepting the Constitution as the ‘LAW of the LAND’ and end up acting as they acted where they came from, which is totally unacceptable.
“The Bible teaches us not to kill, but the Bible does not say one word about letting crazed-rabid animals run loose, molesting our children, raping our women and disrespecting our way of life at every opportunity. I’m sorry, but my patience has been tried and found wanting and I apologize in advance, but I am armed, and every parishioner in this little church must show a loaded weapon at the door to gain entry. As an added bit of information, our ‘Weapons of War for Peace’ drive that provides AR-15s to the Christian churches in Africa is doing very well and I want to personally thank the contributors.
“We are ashamed of some of our citizens waving Hamas flags and supporting terrorists, believing that the crazed animals — ‘Palestinians’ — should be given consideration, should be given the time of day, should be afforded a place at the table of civilized nations. No way, not by a long shot, unless the day of erasing the dictates of murdering Jews, Christians and all the other non-believers, such as the 1.4 billion of Hindus in India, ends for good and that means for all time, not ever ‘going back.’
“And now we’ve reached the end of the ‘Resolution of Truth.’ We touched on pollution and other things, but we’ve left the most important news for the end and that is the spreading of the Good News, the gospel of Our Savior, Jesus Crist. It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to realize that the secret of life is to do unto others as you would expect to be done unto yourself. Now, if you go around murdering people who have never done you a lick of harm, then all I can say is let that same harm come unto you tenfold. If the hostages aren’t returned by Jan. 20, let every Muslim city, town and hamlet be scorched from the face of the earth.
“And while we’re on the subject of the enemy of Western Civilization and, come to think of it, all other civilizations, we ONCE AGAIN implore the IDF to release the footage of the atrocities of Oct. 7. Let the world and the stupid Hamas supporters see exactly what the enemy is capable of. Let us decide whether to watch or not to watch, okay? Thank you.
“Amen.”
“Beautiful Harp Music” (0:58)
“And that’ll do it. Thank you, Bishop Dunkin. This is your Roving Reporter wishing that everyone has a good year: Goodnight.”
“Auld Lang Syne” (2:34)