by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Mar. 17, 2024) — “Hit the Road Jack” (2:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As you can see, we’re back on the sidewalk about to waylay this old geezer and ask him what’s on his mind. Excuse me, please, I’m your Roving Reporter for ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot. I’d like to ask you what’s on your mind, that is, if you’ve got the time.”
“What’s that, you say? You say you want me to lend you a dime? You’re talking $10, aren’t you? I may be older than you but I ain’t blind. Used to be $10 would buy you groceries for a week or fill up your car.”
“You’re retired, aren’t you?”
“I retired the day I got hired. Laugh; it’s a joke. Was employed by the government so I didn’t do diddly. Sat around all day and talked retirement, is what I did. Now I sit around all day and, well, I don’t really know what I do.”
“Got any ideas you’d like to share?”
“Got a few of them, that I do. Here’s one: what we need is a new government department to deport all those illegals, is what we’ll be needing.”
“How would that work?”
“You’re serious, aren’t you? And here I thought you made a joke. Look, sonny boy, maybe 10% of those who are paid by the government work; the rest sit around and talk about retirement.”
“But didn’t you just say we need a ‘Department of Deportation?’”
“Look, I’ll make it easy for you. Sure, we’ll have a Department of Deportation, but it won’t do anything, understand? Most of these illegals have court dates so we can’t deport them. And all the others, well, maybe there’s too many of them and we lack the resources to round them up and kick them out.”
“We could use the military but hold your answer until after this short break.”
“In the Air Tonight” (2:35)
“And we’re back. The military?”
“We could but we won’t. Look around you. The election was stolen. Trump won [“Trump Won” (3:30)] but the military just sat on their backside and talked about retirement. They knew the election was rigged; they were part of it. Get with it, Mr. Roving. Young people don’t know anything these days.”
“But what if Trump wins; what then?”
“There’s three people they fear: General Michael Flynn, Mike Davis, and Henry.”
“So, they don’t fear Trump?”
“Not one bit. Matter of fact, they want him to win so he can fix any of the mistakes they may have made and if he can’t, well, then they have someone to blame.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but who will the Department of Deportation hire?”
“Now you’re getting it: illegals, just what that lame-brain Governor of New York is doing. And handing out drivers’ licenses as if they were voter I.D.’s. I’ll make it easy for you: think ‘California‘ and you’ll see the future of our country written on cement, which means ‘blood on the sidewalk,’ a term used by Chicago realtors when they ask prospective buyers, ‘What’s the least amount of caulk outlines on the sidewalk (in the neighborhood) you will tolerate?’”
“Let me see if I understand you. You say you want a Department of Deportation that doesn’t do anything, am I right?”
“But it sounds good, and that’s the whole idea. I gotta run; that’s code for old men who have to go. Nice talkin’ with you.”
“And there he goes and same with us. Thank you for watching. This is you Roving Reporter wishing you all goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“So Long, Farewell” (2:17)
Roving Reporter