by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Jan. 6, 2024) — “Oh, Pretty Woman” (2:56)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s featured guest is Professor Wert, the author of popular books for children and adults who can’t think for themselves. Did I read that right?”
“Perfectly.”
“Then tell me, please, who can’t think for themselves?”
“Dems; the indoctrinated public-school idiots; government bureaucrats; cops who follow the illegal and often times counter-productive orders from woke mayors; in short, everyone but MAGAs.”
“Welcome to the show.”
“Excited to be here to hawk my latest book, ‘The Sky People are Watching.’ I’m pretty excited because it’s my first foray into the non-fiction world of books.”
“You mean to say there are really ‘Sky People?””
“Yep. We don’t see them because they don’t want to be seen. If they wanted to be seen, we’d see them. They live in balloons.”
“You mean they live in baskets hanging from balloons.”
“No, I mean they live in balloons; they live inside balloons.”
“For real?”
“For real.”
“How long, ah, has this been going on?”
“Many thousands of years, maybe 100,000 years or so, give or take.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but, inside these balloons, are there cows and pastures and chicken coops?”
“But of course.”
“I knew it! And you expect people to buy into your ‘Balloon People?’”
“To tell you the truth, no. I didn’t believe in it, either, at first, but then I thought, why not?”
“I can think of a thousand and one reasons why not.”
“That’s okay; I used to be like you, then I wrote the book and now I’m a believer.”
“A believer in ‘Sky People’ because you wrote a book?”
“That’s because you haven’t read the book. Look here, I brought a copy, and signed.”
“Thanks.”
“That’ll be $19.95 plus shipping and handling.”
“Shipping? How much is shipping?”
“How much is a gallon of gas?”
“Handling?”
“Minimum wage is now $15 an hour; it adds up.”
“To what does it ‘add up’ to?”
“Call it an even $40.’’
“For a $19.95 book?”
“Bidenomics.”
“Unbelievable. Let’s pause for a short commercial break.”
“Crying” (3:40)
“And we’re back with someone who believes in people who live in balloons, Professor Wert. So, you wrote a non-fiction book; does it have any pictures?”
“Plenty of beautiful photographs of unique cloud formations.”
“But none of balloons filled with your Sky People.”
“As I previously stated, because they don’t want to be photographed, that’s why.”
“With that kind of logic, you could say that turtles fly, although no one has ever actually seen a turtle fly.”
“Biden, Harris and Alejandro Mayorkas say that the border is closed.”
‘But the border is not closed, and no one is being deported.”
“We believe in ‘democracy.’”
“Who’s ‘we?’”
“The Sky People and me.”
“What, I’m almost afraid to ask, do the Sky People believe in?”
“They believe in being entertained, and they’re really getting a kick out of the ‘Beacon of Freedom of the World’ being destroyed because it’s all so unnecessary, just because little stupid uncaring and unpatriotic bureaucrats are motivated by greed. The say that the Democratic Party is motivated by greed. They say they’ve seen plenty of nations come and go and that they’ll be disappointed if the USA goes by the way of, say, Libya or Sudan, which, they say, is immensely possible.”
“Do they have a cure for cancer and other stuff?”
“That they do, and they would share it all with us, but they say what’s the point if a person is cured of cancer but still stupid? They say if we fix the ‘stupid’ problem maybe they’ll share some stuff with us.”
“Stupid? Did they tell you what ‘stupid’ is?”
“Supporting ‘rape trees’ is a prime example, perhaps the best with the closing of the Keystone Pipeline up there, too. And, of course, the open border where Chinese members of the PLO can unload machine guns from a container ship in any port, USA, and, PRESTO, war over.”
“War? What war?”
“I’ve been telling you, the ongoing war between the CCP, Islam and the rest of the world while our Joint Chiefs of Staff are concerned about the ‘Clot Shot’ and being ‘woke’: you know, climate change madness and pronouns. No, they say stupidity is the root cause of all our problems, and for proof just look at Whoopi Goldberg and all the other losers with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome,’ a disease easily cured with common sense.”
“I guess ‘common sense’ isn’t so common after all.”
“Wrong; it is very common, but stupid people go out of their way to become stupid. Can you believe it?”
“Truth be told, yes, I can. No ‘eye for an eye’ anymore, is there?”
“Today we have human trafficking, child molestation and judges who are blind to the concept of justice. No Bible, no Ten Commandments, no patriotism, no nothing. No respect for the dead who died for the Constitution. Statue-topplers and those who partake in voter fraud need to be blindfolded next to a wall, if you get my drift.”
“I do and I agree. We have 60 seconds left.”
“Then let me say one more thing. Trump’s [“Trump Won” (3:30)] trade treaty with Mexico and all the others needs to be revamped so we can execute child molesters, rapists and murderers no matter where they’re from.”
“Agreed. Well, that’ll do it for this segment of ‘Pulse.’ What you got there?”
“It’s a children’s coloring book of the Sky People, is what it is. Here, you can have it, free of charge.”
“But it’s nothing but blank pages.”
“What do you expect?”
“I really shouldn’t be surprised. One more and then we must sign off.”
“The Sky People say what you’ve been preaching for years: the weak link in our Republic is the judges who rule by bribes [“Justice for All” (2:24)] from the Deep State, them and everyone else in our so-called ‘justice system.’ They say everyone who has been and is associated with Nancy Pelosi’s incarcerating innocent protesters of her insurrection must be dealt with in the proper manner of how traitors are treated in time of war.”
“Agreed; that’s it. Goodnight, all.”