by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Dec. 13, 2023) — “Try that in a Small Town” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. After the last, ‘I went to Harvard’ I decided to finally set the record straight by saying what should’ve been said over 300 years ago: just because Harvard College had a building with the most books doesn’t make it sacrosanct. And speaking of books, we decided to invite a preeminent author to explain our thesis, Professor Zorkophsky. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for inviting me to explain that past glories are not transferable; in other words, ‘What have you done for me lately’ should be the question of the day.”
“Harvard discriminated against Asians, didn’t they?”
“Look, it all comes down to the State of Michigan, the ‘Land of Affirmative Action’ or, as I call it, the ‘Steep Slope to Oblivion.’”
“That’s it? That’s all there is, Affirmative Action?”
“We have a Supreme Court Justice who doesn’t have the brains to say what a female is; we have a president of Harvard who is so stupid as to support the Islamic takeover of the world, starting with the elimination of Israel; and we have ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ who allows the borders to be open for the invasion from China, Islam, and the rest of them throwing the United States of America into the cesspool of ‘Third-World Countries.’”
“That’s it, Affirmative Action?”
“Lowering the standards to placate the unqualified, the undeserving, and the uneducated isn’t the formula for success. I personally don’t care if my air-traffic controller is from Mars as long as the LGM* can do the job that is required. You want a fireman who doesn’t know CPR, a teacher who can’t teach, and a policeman who murders someone who calls 9-1-1 and gets murdered for it? That’s South Africa, and that’ll be us before we know it.”
‘That doesn’t bode well for anyone, does it?”
“When the ‘Beacon of Freedom’ is extinguished, we’ll know it; right now, it’s but a flickering flame on the precipice of dissolution; it’s but a shot away [‘Gimme Shelter’ (6:30)].”
“Thank you for being our featured guest. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Zorkophsky, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*LGM: Little Green Men (Outer Space Aliens, supposedly from Mars).]
[Notice I didn’t say anything about a ‘Freak Show’ in my editorial, nor did I mention lying on an application, plagiarism, or using the name ‘Pocahontas.’ Face it, Harvard is past tense; live with it.]
“Justice for All” (2:24)