by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jun. 26, 2023) — “Ballad of the Old Cowboy” (5:25)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. For those who are new, ‘Pulse’ used to have a studio in Chicago, but it was destroyed by a mysterious fire; used to be on cable TV; moved to Atlanta but was constantly harassed by code enforcement and other government agencies. Now we just freelance. ‘Roving Reporter’ is a pseudonym of many contributors, some of which you are familiar with such as Madam Shylock, Professor Zorkophsky, and Henry. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ Henry.”
“And thank you for having me back on your ever-growing prestigious show. I have a few things to get off my chest, so to speak.”
“Will it take a lot of time? I mean, I’d hate to interrupt you in the middle of your speech. What do you say we get this commercial out of the way and then the floor shall be yours; will that work for you?”
“Yes.”
[During the airing of the TV show, a real commercial would be shown but since this is a transcript, the secretary inserts a song.]
“Italian Folk Song” (2:00)
“Okay, Henry, the floor is yours.”
“Thank you. Our so-called ‘justice’ system has morphed into a weapon of destruction that is being advertised as a keystone of democracy when, in fact, it is the opposite. That’s right, our Attorney General, Merrick Garland, is a real ‘domestic terrorist,’ along with the rest of the Deep State that is working feverishly to destroy the Constitution before Trump can emerge as their worst nightmare.”
“That’s s mouthful. So, if that’s the case, the Deep State is nothing more than a cabal of traitors, is that correct?”
“You hit the nail on the head. Anyone, from McConnell to Biden, who received money from China, deserves to be treated equally under the law.”
“We get the point. What else?”
“I hate to kick a dead horse, but here goes. Had the government employees done their jobs in 2001, 9-11 never would have happened. But they didn’t then and they’re not doing it now. Look at the four worst governors in American history: Kathy Hochul of New York, Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan, Katie Hobbs of Arizona, and Gavin Newsom of California destroying the Constitution daily, besides enabling child mutilation, human trafficking, and drug abuse.”
“Got any good news?”
“No, except for a glimmer of hope.”
“How much of a glimmer?”
“Right now, I’d say it’s a 50/50 chance that the Deep State wins.”
“Or you could say it’s a 50/50 chance that the Deep State is obliterated.”
‘Have it your way. Here’s the thing: the Deep State will buy the judges who will circumvent the Constitution with high-falutin’ words about ‘saving democracy,’ something like uneducated nincompoops like Joe Scarborough does every other day. They will accuse the other side of the crimes that they themselves are committing. Antifa calls Trump a Socialist when, in fact, it is they who are the Socialists. Biden calls Trump a crook when, in fact, it is Biden himself who is the crook.”
“That’s true. Excuse us while we pause for a short commercial.”
“And we’re back with Henry who isn’t afraid of warning us what’s around the corner. Don’t hold back; go ahead, spill the beans.”
“Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, was a plant to begin the destruction of the USA from within. Hillary Clinton was supposed to take over, but she sure did a lot of damage even as the Secretary of State. The withdrawal from Afghanistan went according to plan, too good to be true, at least according to Obama. The Taliban were supposed to get the weapons, but the real payoff was the excuse to bypass any immigration restrictions and bring in as many unvetted Taliban into this country as possible. And it worked. We have the DHS working hand-in-hand with the NSA, CIA, FBI, and the DOJ bringing in thousands of terrorists every day, not to mention all the Chinese, each one military age, who are, no doubt, all majors in the PLA.”
“Gosh, Henry, give us some hope.”
“If President Trump appoints me as the Secretary of Defense, I will deport every Muslim and illegal from our borders really fast. I will use the powers of the Constitution, claiming that people who are in our country who do not support our Constitution – equal rights for women – have no business in our country and will therefore be kicked out. And no mentally-deranged individuals in our military.”
“No queers?”
“No lesbians or homosexuals, no ‘woke’ brain-damaged people anywhere in government; got that?”
“We got it.”
“Good. Last point: we have too many judges and DAs who have overstepped their bounds. I won’t say any more except ‘Use your imagination.’ They leave town now; we’ll forget about them. If not, well, tough luck. No more ‘Mr. Nice Guy’; he’s long gone. We have to fight fire with fire; it’s the only thing they understand, trust me.”
“Oh, we believe you, Henry, we really do.”
“Then believe this: if you’re paying attention and make it a point to get your news from all over the world and not rely on the Fake News to lie to you every day, read ‘The Gateway Pundit’ and ‘Jihad Watch’ to get the truth of the daily murders from all over the world of Islamic atrocities that never end and never will end. And you can take that to the bank; just ask any Indian or African.”
“I think you would make a great Secretary of Defense, something we need as much as a president with a vision to make America great again. Well, how time flies. Thanks for spouting off for us.”
“And thank you for letting me say what needed to be said. Remember what I said about the judges.”
“We will. And that’ll do it. Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Ode to a Mule” (4:26)
Roving Reporter