Stand By for an Increase in Home Invasions (RR)

by Roving Reporter, ©2023

(May 11, 2023) — “Tonight’s the Night” (3:45)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our nation is about to change for the worse overnight*. We have millions of unwanted illegal lawbreakers in our country who are protected from prosecution due to treaties that limit the penalties they deserve. Examples would be those who are found guilty of vehicular homicide or pedophilia being simply deported, thereby escaping the death penalty. Our featured guest today is well-qualified to tell us what’s coming around the corner, Madam Shylock. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”

“And so glad to be on board, Roving. I’m so glad you invited me during these trying times. We are in for some hard times ahead and it’ll hit us all like a brick between the eyes. All crime will skyrocket, especially rapes. Many rapes, home invasions resulting in rapes. Carjackings resulting in rapes. Rapes on elevators, subways, ladies’ room, everywhere.”

“That bad?”

“Roving, there’s a storm coming, and it’ll be really bad, and it’ll be everywhere. Gas stations, parks, and rest areas on the Interstate. Rape zones; carjacking zones.”

“What about murders?”

“Roving, it’s understood that murders will also skyrocket, every day a fireworks finale.”

“Gosh, but you present a mighty grim picture.”

“You asked the question and I answered honestly.”

“What do you recommend?”

“Honestly?”

“Touché.”

“Guns, the great equalizer. Handgun for leaving the house; shotgun for the home.”

“What do you carry?”

“I’ll show you. This is a derringer that can fire a .45 slug or two .410 shotgun shells. I have it loaded with the shotgun shells. And I have this lightweight .357Magnum revolver and I also have a box of ammo for both guns.”

“What about while at home?”

“I have motion lights and cameras, plus a sawed-off shotgun, just in case, and a collection of rifles, night sights, scope, armor piercing, the works. Besides, I have a neighbor who keeps an eye on the neighborhood.”

“A ‘Neighborhood Watch’ program?”

“In a way. We take care of ourselves.”

“By any chance do I know your neighbor?”

“Roving, you are so predictable. Of course I’m talking about Henry.”

“Excuse us while we take a short commercial break.”

‘Wait! Before you do, I’d like to make clear that a ‘home invasion’ also includes ‘apartment invasion’; ‘condo invasion’; ‘motel and hotel invasion’; ‘RV and car/truck invasion; ‘tent invasion’. You name it, so you better be prepared to be able to protect yourself and your loved ones, neighbors, community, town, and country. Having a gun in seconds could save your life; waiting for the police to show up could take minutes.”

“Petite Fleur” (2:54)

“And we’re back with Madam Shylock who was telling us to be armed.”

“Mowing the lawn or walking the dog, you need to be armed. It’s a new day and Biden and his corrupt administration are running the show right into oblivion.”

“Yes,  I’m beginning to think that even the dumbest of us can see the writing on the wall.”

“Don’t count on it. Millions upon millions got VAXXED, don’t forget. Remember, it’s just one step away from falsifying election results to marching people into a gas chamber, and don’t think it can’t happen again, right here. It’s a matter of being able to see the Big Picture years down the road vs. watching the clowns on wheels at the White House and Pentagon.”

“And Congress.”

“And Congress. The only thing separating us from Venezuela is we still have our guns. Once our guns are gone, so are we, the Constitution, and our country.”

“And they’re working on it.”

“Priority NUMBER ONE: get the guns; leave us defenseless, so when the secret police come for you, you’re unarmed and defenseless.”

‘I see that our time has expired, and I want to thank you for being so forthright on your comments. And so, on behalf of Madam Shylock, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Let’s hit the shooting range on my back porch after we grab a burger: my treat.”

[*Overnight: Midnight tonight, May 11, 2023.]

“Baker Street” (4:20)

Roving Reporter