by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Aug. 4, 2023) — “Trump Won” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first.”
YOUR CHOICE : TRUMP: NO RAPE TREES BIDEN: RAPE TREES
“That’s the bumper sticker I saw on the way to work this morning. Kind-of hard to argue that one away. Anyway, my boss chose our next guest, a clot-shotted Dem. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Please state you name and what’s on your mind.”
“First, I’d like to say never in a million years would I see myself on ‘Pulse,’ but as long as I’m here I might as well set the record straight. The other day I saw Debbie Wasserman Schultz say that Trump was guilty of colluding with the Russians and forget what anyone else says, that the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax’ is real; why, just ask the people on The View* and they’ll tell you the same thing.”
“But other people repeating a lie doesn’t make it the true.”
“They’ve been saying for over seven years that there was ‘Russian Collusion’ and that the laptop from hell was ‘Russian Disinformation,’ so there.”
“I see. You ever hear of ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome?’”
“Maybe.”
“You ever hear of Professor Zorkophsky?”
“Maybe.”
“Were your parents Democrats?”
“Through and through.”
“And the reason you’re a Dem is because your parents were, is that correct?”
“I suppose so.”
“Did you know that the Deep State circa 1963 killed JFK? Did you know that the Democratic Party is the party of the Klan and Jim Crow Laws? That the Teachers’ Union is Dem? That they are responsible for inner city kids graduating from high school who read, write, and do sums on a third-grade level?”
“I never saw any of that on TV.”
“What stations do you watch?”
“I’m proud to say I watch PBS, CNN, MSNBC, and CBS, and I watch The View and read the Sunday edition of The New York Times cover to cover.”
“That explains it. Look, I don’t want to appear or sound rude, but this interview is over. I mean, talking to you is like talking to my cat. Don’t you have any idea that you’ve been lied to and that the 2020 election wasn’t honest by a country mile?”
“Oh, so you’re one of those ‘election deniers’ and probably have a ‘WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?’ bumper sticker on your redneck pickup truck.”
“Here’s the number of Professor Zorkophsky’s ‘Clinic for Nuts’ that you need to call. They’ll send you a pocket copy of the Constitution and then a couple of days later arrange a meeting at a neutral location, maybe a dinner, where you will be quizzed on the ‘Bill of Rights’ and the Vice President’s responsibility in certifying presidential votes.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think what?”
“VP Mike Pence did exactly what Nancy Pelosi told him to do, so anything in the Constitution that says differently is just a waste of time. Oh, I see you’re wearing a US NAVY cap so let me say, ‘Thank you for you service.’”
“Thank you but it was service for the Constitution and not for any individual.”
“Not for me?”
“Nope, just the Constitution.”
“Then not for Trump?”
“I served in the armed forces for the Constitution. That’s it. I voted for Trump, and I’ll certainly proudly cast my next presidential ballot for him again. If those soldiers who died on the 6th of June 1944 on the beaches of Normandy, France could legally cast a ballot for the next election, I’d bet my life that every one of them would vote for Trump, too.”
“I hate you and I wish you were dead.”
“We all die; it’s just one of our common denominators. Another is the ability to possess common sense, something that you are lacking in spades. You don’t seem to realize that when they circumvent the laws against Trump, they are also doing the same to you.”
“But I’m a Democrat and voted for Hillary; I even cried when she lost.”
“Ever hear Trump say that ‘they’re coming for you; I’m just in the way?’”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Well, now you know.”
“Know what?”
“Now you know that the DOJ is manipulating the laws so as to go after anyone at any time for any reason, or, in Trump’s case, no reason. Just to go after because they can. No laws. Bottom line: your defense of the Constitution has been rendered null and void, and it all started with the trial of Lt. Col. Terry Lakin, where he was prohibited from presenting a defense.”
“But that’s crazy.”
“Be that as it may…”
“You mean I could be arrested or accused of anything at any time, and I won’t be able to defend myself? That the judge will gag me?”
“Maybe. You know they want the Trump [‘And I Won’t Back Down‘ (3:22)] trial televised?”
“I heard that.”
“You watch, the judge will curtail any evidence that may be harmful to the prosecution. Any evidence that exposes voter fraud will be disallowed.”
“So, the 2020 election was really crooked? You mean Biden didn’t get 81 million votes? [‘81 Million Votes, My A**’ (3:14)]”
“Not even close. I’m sorry, but it’s that time when we wish our viewers a goodnight. Never did get your name, but thanks for being on the show. Goodnight, all.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*The View: The video dictionary’s definition of the word “STUPID.”]
“Justice for All” (2:24)
Roving Reporter