by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jul. 1, 2023) — “Tell Me Why” (2:07)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Madam Shylock is our guest today. By the way, Madam Shylock, has Henry heard from the Trump Team about his chances of being named Secretary of Defense?”
“No, not yet, but from all indications he has as much of a chance as any other candidate.”
“Does Trump know that Henry’s wants and needs are few? I mean, a fly now and then doesn’t cost much although I understand that Henry is partial to cheeseburgers.”
“Aren’t we all?”
“I did a ‘reading’ on Janet Yellen, U.S. Treasury Secretary and former Chair of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve Bank, and discovered that she got her degree in economics from a prestigious college ‘of your choice’ from a breakfast cereal send-away of three box tops.”
“For real? That would make her…?”
“The dumbest person in the Swamp. Now we got that out of the way, I want to talk about the meanest, cruelest, and most horrible person in the United States and that includes any illegal guest workers and Muslims.”
“Wow.”
“This person would make Reinhard Heydrich look like an angel, Janet Yellen look like she had a brain, and Judas look like your most trusted friend.”
“Let me take a guess: The governor of New York, Kathy Hochul.”
“Surprisingly close: it’s Gretchen Whitmer, governor of Michigan, but Hochul comes in a close second.”
“Where does Mike Pence fit in?”
“He doesn’t fit in anywhere. Pence is a non-person, someone to be ignored, not talked about except in gross derision; he deserves to be compared directly with the original Judas. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh? What did you want to talk about?”
“Our First Amendment.”
“Freedom of Speech.”
“But Whitmer doesn’t believe in that; she thinks that stifling someone’s freedom of speech is not as important of someone being offended by the truth.”
“Give us an example.”
“Merry Christmas. You offended? Or what if Ted Nugent wished Whitmer a ‘Merry Christmas?’”
“Never happen.”
“But what if Ted did wish Whitmer a ‘Merry Christmas’ and she freaks, gets ‘offended?’ Ted looks at five years in the slammer.”
“But what if Ted counters, says he’s offended for Whitmer going batty for a ‘Merry Christmas?’ I mean, really, now, you got to be absolutely nuts to expect to go through life without getting ticked now and then, right? I mean if I see a clip of ‘The View’ my blood pressure skyrockets. “
“You too?”
“Every time. Look, I think Whitmer wants to arrest Ted Nugent, make a raid on his home in Michigan and if that’s the case, I’ll join Ted’s Army or, if he has a Navy, I’ll serve there.”
“And I’ll be right behind you. Oh, by the way. How much of that Ukraine money is finding its way into the election to fight Trump? Ten percent, thirty percent? The so-called ‘Republican’ candidates won’t question where their donations come from, will they? Chump change adds up, you know.”
“Good point. Anyway, be proud to serve alongside you, and with that we’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time.”
[How many ‘non-believers’ were murdered during Ramadan this year? More than one? More than 10,000?)
“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:14)