by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Apr. 23, 2023) — “I’ve Got No Use for the Women” (3:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is Max Wagner, an inventor of sorts. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. So, Max, what’s new?”
“The idea came to me while I was watching a movie and every character had a theme song.”
“You’re talking about ‘Once Upon a Time in the West,’ right?”
“Yes, so I was thinking what if we all had a theme song, one for the occasion.”
“You’ve got to explain a heck of a lot further, Max.”
“Of course. You can’t be having everyone’s theme song playing all at once, just at important times, right? And the people that should hear your song will hear it while those that don’t count won’t.”
“And this is your invention? How’s it work?”
“First, it is not my invention, it’s God’s; all I did was find a way to tap into it. See, each of us is an electric dynamo that runs on a very unique and specific frequency. We all have a sine wave that makes you you and me me. Ever hear the phrase, ‘love at first sight’? It’s true; that’s when the sine waves gel, or match.”
“So, how’s it work? Wait a minute, what is ‘it,’ anyway?”
“See this little box? That’s it. Go ahead, push the green button, hold it next to your heart for 30 seconds and then press the red one. And that’s all there is to it. Got any photos in your wallet? This one, who is it?”
“My ex-wife.”
“Our House” (3:01)
“How quaint. Anyway, you can aim the box at the TV and press and hold the orange button. Go ahead, give it a try. Aim the green laser beam at Joe Biden.”
“Liar Liar” (1:56)
“Change the channel and find Trump. There. Point and hold.”
“Trump Won” (3:30)
“I like it.”
“Now turn to ‘The View’ and point it at Katie Hobbs.”
“The Monster Mash” (3:13)
“Here’s a photo of Marilyn Monroe.”
“Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” (2:16)
“I like your invention. Where can I get one?”
“Well, that’s a problem since this is the prototype, the only one, and I’m a little bit hesitant about taking it to the patent office.”
“I understand completely: Deep State. Well, I like this gizmo of yours, so, on behalf of Max, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show and what a neat invention. Burger time: my treat.”
[Little People report coming soon.]
“Sweet Dream Baby” (2:35)
Roving Reporter “See the Funny Little Clown” (4:57)