by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Dec. 9, 2022) — “To Know Him is to Love Him” (2:23)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Back by popular demand is Rook Dunkin, who I hear may be crowned a Bishop, perhaps by Easter or even before. What say you to the scuttlebutt, Rook Dunkin?”
“I say, ‘Glory, Glory, Hallelujah,’ one and all. Give me an ‘Amen.’ Do I hear an ‘Amen?’”
“Amen.”
“Thank you, Brother Roving. If He were on the cross and saw you, what do you think He would say to you?”
“He’d say that I wasted a life, except for the few good things that I did, but all things considered I’m a colossal disappointment.”
“What do you think He would say to me, Brother Roving?”
“I don’t know, not the slightest idea; you tell me.”
“He’d say the same to me because we’re all sinners, one and all. I need an ‘Amen.’ Give me another ‘Amen,’ Brother Roving.”
“Amen, but I got to tell you I’ll be running short of ‘Amens’ if you keep askin’.”
“I hear you, Brother, and so does He. I’m sayin’ I needs another one; give me another one, Brother Roving.”
“Stop it, Rook, and take a deep breath. Here, have a glass of water; well, have a bottle of water.”
“Got anything stronger than water?”
“I was stationed on a Guided Missile cruiser while in the Navy and the water did a pretty good job holding 15,000 tons up.”
“Well, aren’t you the funny one? Oh, that’s right, isn’t it? You quit drinking 20 years ago, if memory serves me right.”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“Amen, Brother.”
“I’ll Amen to that; be a fool not to.”
“What would you do to the fools in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC; what do you think He would do?”
“Well, as for me, I think I go ahead and smite a few, at least put them in shackles and chains. I would like to think that He would do the same. Let’s pause for this commercial break, shall we?”
“Have I Told You Lately” (3:56)
“And we’re back with Rook Dunkin to answer the question of what Jesus would do to the traitors in Washington, DC.”
“Smite them all and don’t prolong it. Poof! ‘Long Live the Republic!’”
“Yes, but what about compassion?”
“Who needs it? Never see compassion from a Dem; all you get from them are lies and then more lies. I’m sick of ‘ballots found in trunk of car at 3:00 a.m.’ We can’t even have an honest election anywhere in our country, now, can we?”
“No, we can’t.”
“That was a rhetorical question, Roving. Smite them all. One more ‘Amen’ for the road, Brother.”
“Amen.”
“Think ‘smite,’ Roving.”
“And that’s all the time we have and so, on behalf of Rook Dunkin, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“You really think He’d smite them? Okay, okay: Amen. Burger time: my treat.”
“If I Had a Hammer” (2:58)
Roving Reporter