by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Sep. 20, 2022) — “The Mountain’s High” (2:12)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is none other than the renowned best seller of amateur psychiatry books, Professor Zorkophsky. So, Professor, another home run and, if so, what’s it about?”

“Thank you for the informative and kind introduction, Roving, but please address me as ‘Zork’ since I feel that it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. For this particular book I hung up my ‘Marriage Counseling’ shingle to try and help those who fell in love and think they fell out. I believe nothing could be farther from the truth so I explain that the chances of finding each other is like finding a needle in a haystack.”

“What do you mean, Zork?”

“I mean that the chances of finding your ‘better half’ are less than 50-50, which is why high school sweethearts are the longest-lasting marriages.”

“Some hit the jackpot first time around.”

“That is true, but most marriages go through a time of turmoil, so bad that once the word ‘divorce’ is used it rarely survives.”

“Didn’t you marry your high school sweetheart, Zork?”

“Almost; I mean, I saw her once in high school and thought about her while I was in the military and wasn’t I surprised that I dated her after I got discharged and ended up marrying her.”

“That must’ve been a nice homecoming.”

“It really was, but after I started with the nightmares, well, things went downhill from there pretty fast.”

“But you got over your nightmares and PTSD.”

“Yes, I did, but the divorce already went through. I saw her afterwards, but she didn’t want anything to do with me, and for that I really can’t blame her. Too bad because I lost my best friend through no fault but my own.”

“But it wasn’t your fault you had PTSD.”

“No, it wasn’t, but I could’ve asked for help and that’s the cross I must carry for the rest of my life, which I write about in my book.”

“Sounds like combat Veterans could benefit from reading it.”

“Which is why I wrote it, so others don’t throw away an opportunity of a lifetime.”

“You still practice, don’t you? I mean, you still see patients, is that right?”

“Yes, I do, and most of them are married and having a rough time of it. So what I did was write down what will happen when a divorce goes through and give it to them, two copies, when they leave.”

“How long have you been doing that?”

“Ten years until I finally realized that I’ve saved a lot of marriages, and that’s when I started to write the book, to help others out there who I can’t see individually.”

“Did you put that list in the book?”

“I most certainly did and I have it right here, the list, I mean. The book won’t hit the stands until Thanksgiving.”

“A ‘stocking-stuffer?’

“You bet: $19.95. Here’s the list for you to read if you want.”

“I do want and thank you, but first a short commercial break.”

Hey Paula” (2:28)

‘So, You Mentioned Divorce’

From a dream fulfilled to being shattered.

From first place to DNF,

From a lifetime of sharing to a division of zero,

From looking to a brand-new day to dreading yet another,

From actual plans to bleakness,

From a lifelong companion to none,

From enjoying a conversation to talking just to get by,

From kidding about past memories to lost opportunities,

From relating a dream to wishing to never have had one,

From to have loved and then lost,

From being fulfilled to forever lost,

From being whole to a lifetime of regrets,

From a purpose for living to a wasted life,

From being loved to an emptiness that never ends,

From being proud to ashamed, belonging to lost,

From having acute empathy to having none,

From anticipating another’s thoughts to keeping your mouth shut,

From sacred vows to nothing will ever be sacred again,

From reaching out in the middle of the night to give or receive solace and tenderness and knowing that among all the stars there is a being whom you have trusted with your life to reaching out and finding nothing.”

“Golly, Zork, is that what you hand them to take home and share with their significant other?”

“Yes, and apparently it works, which is why I put it at the end of the book in a convenient tear-out format so maybe they can share it with another.”

“What a great idea. I understand that you’ve another commitment and must leave us, so thank you for sharing what I think will be another tremendously successful book. Bye.”

“Goodbye, Roving, and goodbye to you out there in television land and P&E land.”

“Let’s take a quick commercial break, shall we?”

Are You Lonesome Tonight?” (3:06)

“Okay, we’re back with June who wants to say something.”

“You bet I do. You know what? The definition of a hypocrite is ‘Martha’s Vineyard’ and that’s all I wanted to say, except don’t they realize that every place in the United States has the exact same problem or are they just too darn stupid?”

“Okay, thank you, June. I think we all agree. Next?”

“I’m Bill, and maybe DeSantis next ought to send Muslim terrorists up there; I’m sure some came across.”

“Okay, Bill, time for another break.”

Bye Bye Love” (2:18)

“And we’re back with Rufus who would like to say a few things.”

“You bet I do. First, there was no so-called ‘Pandemic’: it was all make-believe. And all of them people who died of COVID? They didn’t have to die at all if they could’ve had Ivermectin; am I right?”

“You’re right.”

“And another thing: masks don’t work, they never did, and they never will, not against something as small as a virus; come on, man.”

“Any more?”

“The list is endless, Roving. There’s no ‘Russian’ anything, never was, all one big hoax just as there’s no so-called ‘Climate Change,’ another hoax, just as Biden is one big hoax or, better yet, one big joke.”

“But the price of gas is no joke.”

“No, it ain’t. The USA is floatin’ on oil and gas; why they make us pay so much? And we ain’t takin’ no ‘Death Shot’ when a vaccine isn’t even a vaccine anyways. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Thank you and that’s all the time we have and so, on behalf of Rufus, this is your Roving Reporter wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[Little People report: Here’s the deal: anyone who had, has, or will have anything to do with the Washington, DC Gulag or who had, has, or will follow illegal orders will have, at some time, a visit from the Paratroopers. It’s the Law. It is called the CONSTITUTION.]

It Keeps Right On A Hurtin’” (2:51)

Roving Reporter

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