by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Jun. 10, 2022) — “Greensleeves” (3:35)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our first guest is Sam Nick, a promoter of parades and croquet matches. Welcome to ‘Pulse.’

“And glad to be here. Hi, Mom. Is that allowed, saying ‘Hi’ to my mom?”

“Are you kidding? No, it is not allowed, but not to worry; we’ll just edit it out, and when the transcript goes over to The P&E, Sharon, the editor/owner/referee, can delete it. So, tell us about the parade business.”

“Well, that’s not quite 100% accurate since I don’t do parades, at least not real ones.”

“You mean there’s such a thing as a fake parade? For real?”

“Yes, for real. Listen, you won’t believe this, but the Jan. 6 protesters numbered in the millions, rounded off to 137 million, give or take.”

“I’m speechless.”

“Don’t be, because the 137 million are on the airwaves of the Internet. The 137 million are armed, from little .22 revolvers to whatever your imagination allows.”


“If you like tanks, then yes, tanks.”

“Navy ships with big gun turrets?”

“Five-inch? Six-inch? Maybe you like battleships; then go for the 16-inch.”

“I think I’m wanting a battleship. What about B-1 bombers?”

“Look, whatever you like. I personally went for a group of Borneo tribal warriors, but each his own.”

“So, you had all these people at the Capitol on Jan. 6?”

“Pretend; make-believe; not real people on the ground but in ‘Make-Believe Land,’ wishing they were there in person armed to the teeth to protect themselves from the Capitol Police and the FBI GESTAPO goons.”

“That sounds rather impressive.”

“Thank you. Excuse me, please; there seems to be some disagreement about the placement of a boundary line on the croquet court. Thank you for having me on.”

“Wait, so there was no insurrection on Jan. 6th?”

“The insurrection happened in the early morning hours of Nov. 4; it happened when Mike ‘Judas’ Pence certified fraudulent votes, and it’s happening now with Liz Cheney’s Dog and Pony Show, her so-called ‘Insurrection Committee’ that, by anyone’s definition, is, in itself, the ongoing real insurrection. The two people we have to get rid of are Merrick Garland, the AG, and Christopher Wray, the Director if the FBI. I would go on, but public decorum prevents me from saying any more except our country would be better off without Garland, Wray and all the other traitors in office. Bye.”

“And off he goes and off we go to have a commercial; be right back; don’t go anywhere.”

Girl Next Door Went A’Walking” (2:32)

“And we’re back with Sarah Winze, the spokesperson for ‘Arm the Teachers.’ Okay, one would think of it as a no-brainer, so what gives?”

“Isn’t it obvious? The Dems want school massacres so they can use that as an excuse to ban guns, all the guns. I mean, what kind of failed Socialist State would allow the citizens to protect themselves? Fat chance of that ever happening, which is why school shootings – GUN-FREE ZONE – are a welcomed event in the world of Chuck Schumer and Liz Cheney, those who wish to ban the Second Amendment.”

“And the FBI.”

“The FBI, the GESTAPO arm of the DOJ. I say trash the FBI and let it be taken over by the US Marshals.”

“You want all the teachers to be armed; makes sense, so what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that it’ll stop the school massacres, that’s the problem. It’ll stop the hue and cry for banning the Second Amendment and we can’t have that, now, can we.?”

“So it’s protection over hunting?”

“Always has been, from day one. It was never about hunting; it was always about protecting your freedoms from a tyrannical government.”

“You mean like now?”

“You best believe it. The teachers dumbed-down the students while libraries cleansed themselves of ‘non-approved’ books.”

“Give us an example of such a book.”

“Mark Twain and Franz Kafka head the list, followed by the Russian writers and then just about everyone else on the ‘Harvard’s Classic Reading List.’ Watch them go after your guns and, after that, search you house for illegal contraband.”

“What contraband?”

“Books, haven’t you been paying attention? They don’t want people to reason, just accept the bull and keep your mouth shut. Don’t question; obey.”

“Why, that’s nuts.”

“Yes, the Deep-Staters are composed of insane people because it takes a nut to throw away freedoms. Rational people know that freedoms are precious, but the Dems haven’t a clue, which is why we have the failed tag team of Biden-Harris, two of the most ill-qualified and incompetent people to ever grace the White House.”

“Now ain’t that the truth. So, this insurrection committee?”

“Nothing but a side show to take the focus away from $5 a gallon gas; a Dog and Pony show made-up of lie after lie, nothing but lies; trust me.”

“Okay, we’ll trust you, and with that, on behalf of Sarah, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each and every one of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. I’m keeping my gun because this government is out to lunch because they’re out of touch. Burger time: my treat.”

[Note: If you cheat on your spouse, the following song is the payback. But there are other associated costs involved. My first wife and I went to high school together so I can’t go to reunions and have to explain why the marriage ended. Be embarrassing for me and I wouldn’t want to infer anything bad about her.]

D-I-V-O-R-C-E” (2:59)

Roving Reporter

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  1. Lead-by-example, Washington DC and state governors: Remove the armament from the personnel that protect your life and limb.