by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(May 3, 2022) — “C’est Si Bon” (3:30)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest today is, … would I be out of line saying that you’re the premier fashion designer of late? True? Well, lucky us, as I’m sure most of you at least heard the name, and that name is Ecru Désirer. Welcome to America and to ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“I do thank you, Monsieur Roving, for having me as, you say, ‘featured guest.’ Is that because I’m the only one here besides you, the cameraman and the young girl holding that squirrel-looking thing above my head? How rude of her, if I may say so.”
“No, that’s the microphone. See this? It’s really a hotdog bun. I’ve a friend who is a baker and we’re trying to sell these buns that look like a microphone. It’s just food coloring, that’s all.”
“But you’re eating it. What will people think that you’ve eaten a microphone halfway?”
“Not my problem. Now, let’s talk about the, would the word ‘turmoil’ aptly describe what happened during your last show in Paris?”
“To put it mildly, yes.”
“And weren’t the police called in to quell a riot?”
“That would also be correct.”
“And didn’t the French Navy sail a gunboat up the Seine?”
“I heard that they did.”
“And didn’t the Army come knocking on your door?”
“For sure, which is why I flew my private plane to America, to stay for a while with you until things cool down. I escaped and here I am, although your Biden-Harris regime seems about as far gone as the French government. Do you think I’ll be safe here?”
“Tell you what, let’s give Chief New Leaf a call and see if you can stay in his RV; there’s plenty of room, and that way you can sightsee America while avoiding any inconvenient involvement with the authorities. How does that sound?”
“Let’s do it.”
“We’ll take a break and, while we do, I’ll call the Chief.”
“I Love Paris” (2:53)
“We’re back, and the Chief will be here in a few hours, so that’s good news. We’re interviewing the top fashion designer from Paris who will tell us why there was such a commotion at her fashion show yesterday. Take it away, Miss Désirer.”
“Thank you; will do. All I did was show the same designs as last year, although in new and exciting colors.”
“But you added something.”
“That I did. I added what I call, ‘The Beak,’ a totally new and innovative way to let others know that you’ve been vaxxed.”
“So, tell us about ‘The Beak,’ like, what is it?”
“It’s really simple: instead of wearing a worthless stupid mask, you wear a covering that goes over your nose that is kind-of pointed.”
“And large?”
“Could be. New and exciting colors, even paisley. It’s the new social norm: let others know that you’re out of the reproduction chain. Here’s an example: a two-inch vaxxed man looking for a vaxxed woman. The 2” means his nose beak is 2” long because he got vaxxed and one booster. Here’s another: 3” man looking for woman.”
“Vaxxed and twice boosted.”
“That’s right.”
“What about the women?”
“Same thing: 4” woman looking for a 4” man.”
“Woman vaxxed and three boosters who wears a 4” pointy nose covering. And people freaked?”
“Riot ensued; shields and batons.”
“But why?”
“Because the powers that be don’t want the truth to get out. They don’t want your fake election to get out and that the COVID was a ploy to excuse mail-in voting fraud. They’re afraid that Trump will be reinstated in his rightful place and destroy the Deep State. Simply put, Trump is pro-Constitution and everyone else isn’t. Trump is pro-peace throughout the world while everyone else is gearing up for endless wars.”
“Anti-free speech.”
“Correct, and pro-Socialism. And one more thing.”
“And that is?”
“There’s a direct connection between vaxxed and Dems; between gullible and BLM; between stupid and infected with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’; between watching CNN, MSNBC and The View and believing in the Russian Collusion Hoax.’”
“So, let me make sure I understand you correctly: you want vaxxed people to wear a pointy thing over their nose letting others know that they, what, drank the Kool-Aid?”
“Precisely.”
“Great. I like it, and with that, on behalf of Ecru, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Little Things” (2:26)
Roving Reporter