by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Apr. 13, 2022) — “I’ll Never Find Another You” (3:04)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. I just learned that it is now forbidden to watch or read ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, by Californians and active duty military personnel due to ‘wanton misuse of pronouns and overall content, specifically not supporting the corrupt Biden administration and for not endorsing mask mandates when we all know that masks don’t work against flu viruses that carry spike proteins that attack DNA cells within 6 hours of getting the Clot Shot.’ We invited Dr. Mildred Price from the ‘Department of Lies and Innuendos’ to explain it all to us. Welcome aboard, Doctor; by the way, what kind of doctor are you, anyway?”
“I’m a ‘Caged Animal Specialist.’”
“Never heard of such a thing. Where did you go to school, the zoo?”
“You make fun; everybody makes fun, but I tell you that my observations and suggestions are always 100% correct. My diagnostic abilities are beyond question. They show me animal in cage, I tell them animal happier if not in cage. There, see?”
“Where did you go to school?”
“I worked part-time in an animal hospital while in high school and watched ‘Wild Kingdom‘ reruns with Marlin Perkins.”
“So, the ‘Doctor’ is, what, an honorary title given by yourself?”
“We call it the ‘Elizabeth Warren Ploy,’ or ‘EWR’ for short. And Harvard.”
“Harvard?”
“Why not? Anyway, getting back to why I’m here – to talk about the government lying, I have some clips of our best stuff if you’d care to look at them.”
“Instead, why not just tell us your most glaring lies and we’ll go from there?”
“Okay. Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, as president; ‘most honest election ever’; Biden-Harris and COVID/mask mandates. There, I did my job in spilling the beans; now I’ll take my fifty bucks and get back to my busy schedule: we’ve a lot of lies to tell, and blaming Putin for everything is now top priority. And these Muslims and illegal immigrants have no desire whatsoever to embrace the American Dream, trust me, but we say that they do which is another big lie. Thanks: bye, it was a pleasure.”
“Goodbye. Okay, let’s take a commercial break.”
“I’ll Take You Home Again, Kathleen” (3:07)
“And we’re back with, who are you anyway? You some kind of greeter at one of those fancy hotels where the pickpockets look like someone’s grandmother?”
“I am Admiral Swell, retired, a good friend of your General friend, the one that never leaves home without his chalkboard-on-wheels. By the way, you’re out of uniform.”
“But I’m out, Admiral. I’m a bona fide civilian and proud of it.”
“You look it.”
“And I thank you for the compliment. So, Admiral, now that we have the small talk out of the way, how about cluing us civilians in on the scuttlebutt in the Pentagon?”
“Very well: let’s say you celebrate Festivus and must wrestle somebody and they give you a choice between wrestling someone who is vaxxed and someone who isn’t, which one would you choose? Or try this: you must fight a war and you have the choice to fight the army that is vaxxed or an army that does not have spike proteins; which army would you fight? Or how about trying this one: the Chinese want to fight the Americans and they have the choice to fight Americans who are vaxxed vs. those who are not. These are rhetorical questions, Roving: of course you want to fight those who are vaxxed, for they may have a heart attack at any given moment; get it? The Chinese aren’t stupid, and the worst thing you can do is to underestimate the enemy, the first subject that is taught at War College, by the way. Never, but never, underestimate the enemy, something the Republicans better learn in a hurry. ”
“So, you’re saying it’s all a setup, the whole COVID shenanigan was orchestrated by the Chinese as they paid off American politicians in ‘most favored nation status’ money so they can run roughshod over our spike protein ineffective military?”
“Excuse me, I’ve an appointment to make. I’m heading off to the gun store to buy my wife a derringer that shoots shotgun shells.”
“That’ll do it? I’m getting signs from my producer to end it, but before we do, I’d like to say that we ran across the real deal who is running for office in Virginia, Hung Cao. He’s one smart cookie and it kind-of makes me sad not being able to cast my ballot for him because I don’t live in Virginia. Okay, thank you for watching and I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“I Got A Car” (4:29)
Roving Reporter
“And these Muslims and illegal immigrants have no desire whatsoever to embrace the American Dream,”
If more Americans don’t soon wake up to that fact, then the American Dream will soon no longer exist.