Clean-up in Aisle 46……Again!

From: Chris Cirino
Date: March 29, 2022 at 6:18:08 AM EDT
To: dean.baquet@nytimes.com
Cc: agsulzberger@nytimes.com, joekahn@nytimes.com, clevy@nytimes.com, katie.kingsbury@nytimes.com, cnn.tips@protonmail.com
Subject: Clean-up in Aisle 46……Again!

Good day Deano,

I hope today finds you in good spirits.  It sure has been busy the last few days, news wise, that is.  I’m sure it has been non-stop at your desk as the Executive Editor of The New York Times.

I would like to mainly focus on the historic trip overseas by the installed POTUS, Joey Obiden, also know as Brandon to those in his inner circle.  What a powerful orator little Joey is.  I, like you Deano, was left speechless after this modern day Winston Churchill mesmerized the masses with his clear and eloquent messaging. As usual Deano, those fanatics on the radical right have an entirely different point of view.  They are saying the installed puppet is a perpetual gaffe machine, inching us closer to WWIII with his moronic ad-libbed gibberish.  Let’s take a look, Mr. Dean Baquet.

Leading From the Rear

Conservatives say, it seems the Harris administration was getting tired of hearing that the United States, namely Joey Talibiden, was leading the effort against Russia from behind. You know, holding press conferences late in the day (not too late, don’t want to interfere with his watching of Matlock and Judge Judy); this of course, was after his handlers spoke to world leaders earlier in the day, so Joey could follow their strategy. Well, enough was enough,  Brandon was heading over to Europe to head up the NATO alliance to combat Vladimir Putin and his reign of terror.

Brussels Gaffes

While in Brussels, Joey kept us up to speed, saying due to the sanctions imposed that the food shortages are, “gonna be real”.  Like a true leader, he didn’t mince words, he let Americans know what they are in for.   
Until……….the next day, Jen Goebbels Psaki during her usual clean up presser said, “we are not expecting a food shortage at home.”  Ok, so, swing and a miss for ole Joey Robinette.

Speaking of sanctions, when Lying Biden was asked about them deterring Putin, he became quite indignant!  Some attribute it to him sundowning, as he was without his normal 2 four-hour daily naps.  He fired back, “I did not say that, sanctions never deter.” Ok Joey, ok, take it easy, simmer down now.  Behave, or “Dr.” Jill won’t let you ride your big wheel after the press conference.

The problem here again Deano, is a few of Joey’s inner circle said the complete opposite: Jake Sullivan, National Security advisor, who said, “the President believes the sanctions are intended to deter.”  The same explanation was given by Antony Blinken, Jen Goebbels Psaki, and even installed VP, Heels up Harris-who took time out from her hectic schedule of pastry sampling and cookware acquisitions.

So Deano who is fibbing here, little Joey Robinette or the rest of his administration? Most conservatives point to Joey, as they say habitual lying is in fact, the only thing he is proficient at.  President Trump is a racist!

On to Poland

Here is where the installed POTUS really shined.  While speaking in a barely audible tone to troops, and walking aimlessly in circles (another no nap day), Joey told U.S. troops: “you will be seeing the bravery of the Ukraine people, when you get there.”  Is Joey planning on sending troops to the Ukraine, Deano?  
Nope, nope, White House officials cleaned that one up right away, saying, “the president has been clear that we will not be sending U.S. troops to Ukraine.”  Yeah, but he just said…………”sorry, no more questions.” Then Joey proceeded to have a choking fit on some pizza, with the troops.  This isn’t his fault though, “Dr.” Jill usually puts his in a blender first.

Though his real shining moment was his farewell speech.  This is where Joey took off the gloves with his masterful orating skills.  Here, he finished mumbling his way through his usual teleprompter speech, when he apparently had one  of his classic (never underestimate Joe’s ability to F*** things up-Barack Hussein) ad-lib moments.  After referring to Putin as a “butcher,”  Joey finished with, “For God’s sake, this man cannot remain in power.”  That’s it Joey Bidenflation, you tell ole Vlad who is really in charge here.  Bravo Joey!

Well, not so fast there Deano.  Even though, your esteemed paper ran a front page piece, praising Joey saying, “In a fiery speech, Biden condemns Putin”; the White House within hours was backtracking this historic statement….hours!  They said, Joey was NOT looking for a regime change at all……but, didn’t he just say…? What gives Deano?

Ask Joey

Hey, so let’s solve this once and for all.  Let’s go to the horses behind, I mean mouth, and ask him.  When coming out of church the very next day (without the other self proclaimed good Catholic, “Dr.” Jill, shame, shame “Dr.” Jill, and during Lent, too), a reporter shouted to Mr. installed president, “if his remarks in Poland, were calling for Putin to be removed.” He replied, ‘’no!” He was then ushered into the motorcade faster then when elected President Reagan was shot. Secret Service have been specifically trained with Joey, to move him inside fast as possible at the hint of a question.

So Which is it?

You see the quandary here Deano old sport.  I mean, you guys, CNN, MSNBC, WAPO, were praising Joey, for his strong stance.  But his entire administration vehemently denies this is what he meant.  Heck, even Joey Talibiden is now denying that he said it!  Is it possible that ole Joe suffers from a split personality, that he is possibly schizophrenic?  So who do we believe, the trustworthy press, like The Times, Joey’s handlers, or Joey (depending on which Joey you ask, of course)?  President Trump is a racist!

On a Side Note

Did you happen to catch the Oscars Last night Deano old friend?   Wow, some fireworks, huh.  It seems the even-keeled Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, after he made disparaging remarks about Will’s wife.  There sure was some interesting commentary after this altercation.  Shock Jock turned Hamptonite elitist Howard Stern, attacked Smith for his unhinged actions, comparing him to Donald Trump….which seems very reasonable.  CNN analyst Asha Rangappa, also blamed this behavior on the fact that “we normalized Trump!” I mean what rational person can argue with this logic?  Will you be running any articles Deano, somehow tying the slapping incident to the INSURRECTION?

Is it Possible?

Do you think Deano, that it somehow actually was elected President Trump in disguise, and it was he who slapped Chris Rock?   We better get Chardonnay Pelosi and trustworthy Adam Schiff on the case immediately.  I say have a pre-election 2024 impeachment trial, stat!  I mean we haven’t wasted enough taxpayer money on two ridiculous impeachment attempts and the perpetual INSURRECTION sham.  I say get Chardonnay’s teeth out of her podium glass, and get her to work on this.

I’ll let you get back to your job Deano, of printing, “all the news that’s fit to print.”  I don’t know why, but every time I say that out loud, I start to laugh.  Yep, you guys just ooze journalistic integrity.  Here comes that laughing again.

Sincerely,
Chris Cirino