From: Chris Cirino
Date: November 29, 2021 at 10:49:10 AM EST
Cc: firstname.lastname@example.org, Aidan Gardiner <email@example.com>, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Campaign Promise Broken……..Again!
Good morning Deano, Slushy,
Old Fashioned Thanksgiving
Well, it’s back to the grindstone over there at Pravda, I mean the distinguished NY Times. It was great to see Joey eating some ice cream up in Nantucket, while vacationing at major political donor, Ron Perlmans 30 million dollar estate.
It was a real Currier and Ives moment, eh Deano. The family shopping in the quaint village, shopping for the grandkids (unmasked of course). I mean Joey didn’t think cameras would be there, poor clueless Vegetable-in-Chief. It actually brought a tear to my eye…..from laughing of course. The most poignant moment had to be when Hunter attended mass with the rest of the pious clan……very touching. Did Hunter (famous artist), bring his brothers widow, or the hooker from the picture of him straddling her back and pulling her hair….ah, that scamp Hunter. The power of crack cocaine.
Joey’s Campaign Promise
Well, low and behold, we have another deadly variant amongst us. Here is where it gets a little fuzzy Deano. I could have sworn little Joey said, “I will not shut down the country, I will shut down the virus!” That was to be his JFK moment, but alas, it is just another FJB moment. It is tough to see though, as your propaganda machine, I mean “news” outlet took down the death tote board from your daily front page headlines. It magically disappeared from the equally honest CNN……….fascinating. Joey is knocking it out of the park, those deaths are really adding up. It’s almost, almost mind you, that you are one of the arms of the most corrupt, incompetent, nefarious political crime syndicate in America’s 250 year history. This just can’t be Deano, Slushy………. right?
Labor Issues Slushy?
I’m sure you’re all busy with the holiday hangover (no offense to Hunter) and your middle management issue over there at the Old Gray Lady. Imagine those ingrates complaining on not being paid fairly. You know the Wirecutter Union having the audacity to ask for a 2.5% raise, while AG Sulzberger (esteemed Times Publisher) offered a 1% raise. I mean, COVID for gosh sakes! Do you expect Slushy to give up one his chauffeurs or gardeners, lets try and be reasonable here. I mean give him a break, trying to get the seating arrangements at the Thanksgiving table straight with Dad/Pinchy’s numerous ex-wives and Caroline Kennedy and all, who has the time for paying people for their livelihood.
Well, I’m sure you have a lot on your plate Deano Baquet. Are you back from your exclusive, affluent, very non-diverse enclave with Dylan and Ari? They must be so proud of your unbiased, professional work, just like the rest of us are.
Domestic Terrorist…….Not According To The New York Times
Hey, did you get a chance to ask Slushy about that job, we talked about. You know, after I was able to get that railroaded Darrell E Brooks name, when you were calling him a person of interest, incessantly. I guess your investigative reporters were off those days? You may have forgotten about him, the story of the “accident “, “incident “ in Waukesha, has miraculously disappeared from most major “news” outlets. Maybe if more of the children survive and are released out of the hospital, you could run a feel good story then. Hey maybe have Brooksie meet the children with some stuffed animals…it would be some nice PR. I understand they are now looking at a faulty brake system as the cause of the accident, or possibly sun glare. Not the career criminal, who is a blatant racist, who ran over his girlfriend earlier…….after punching her in the face of course, hell bent on getting revenge for the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict. He is also an aspiring rap star, I understand….some lovely lyrics, there too, just so eloquent. Ah, what a representative of the poor downtrodden, eh Deano?
As always, you guys put a smile on my face, usually followed by fits of laughter. Keep up the great work Deano. It saves me money…..I now don’t have to pick up the National Enquirer in the supermarket, for entertainment purposes of course. They are just a bit more serious and factual with their reporting than you guys, but you’ll get there eventually, you’ll get there, buddy.