by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021
(Sep. 4, 2021) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today our guest is a peanut farmer from Georgia, Buddy Watson, who has an interesting idea. Welcome to the show, Mr. Watson.”
“Who you talkin’ to? Me? I’m ‘Mr. Watson’? I’m ‘Buddy,’ so pleased to meet you. So that’s a television camera? Why is it so big? See this-here phone? It’s a television camera, too. So you found me; what’d you do, follow the federal agents to my driveway?”
“Well, we monitor the social blogs and I guess you are either talking to the Taliban or soon will be; I mean, your idea sounds rather promising. And, please, call me ‘Zork’; I like to keep a relaxing tone.”
“A ‘relaxing tone’; my, my, aren’t we high-falutin? Okay, Zork, let’s. So I heard that the Taliban is on social media but Trump isn’t. So, okay, maybe I can help out in some small way. We know that Americans are trapped behind enemy lines, right?”
“Yes, that is true. Thousands, we believe.”
“Okay, fine: thousands. So the Taliban would like to have thousands of Americans; good for them. So here’s what I thought: maybe if we wash the Taliban’s back, they can wash ours. Make it a win-win situation.”
“So what do you propose?”
“Trade, even-steven. They have American hostages and they like to have American hostages; okay, let’s start there. What we do is trade some of our Americans for the American hostages. They get to keep American hostages and we are happy to make them happy while we get the original Americans that our government left behind, turned their backs on, made them one step beyond expendable.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does, when you trade our traitors for real Americans. Look, round up Kaepernick and everyone else who ever knelt during the National Anthem and all those BLM and ANTIFA nitwits. Trade them for American hostages. Send Pelosi, Schumer and Durbin over; the Joint Chiefs; Romney and Lindsey Graham; all the RINOs and everyone who voted for impeachment; and while we’re at it, let’s throw in everyone who had a hand in the election fraud, kind-of like an incentive, an inducement, icing on the cake sort of thing: you help us out and we’ll give you a lot of freebies.”
“I like it. What a great idea. What about the dogs?”
“I’m glad you asked: we’ll give the Taliban two Hollywood stars for each service dog. I think they would like that.”
“I think they would, too. What a great idea. Have you heard back from them?”
“Not yet, but I think I will.”
“Why, I think it’s a great idea. Tell Pelosi that we’ll send her over on a FACT-FINDING MISSION.”
“Good riddance. I like the idea. Okay, that’ll do it for this broadcast: Goodnight.”
[Little People update: All we are allowed to report is that they are on a secret mission.]
This was the best article yet from this great author.