by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021

(Jul. 16, 2021) — “Victory at Sea Theme Song” (0:57)

The Navy frigate is tied to the pier and a couple of enlisted are leaning on the lifeline on the 02 deck, just aft of the radio shack. It’s a balmy summer Sunday afternoon in San Diego.

“See that Commander walking over there, headin’ for the gate? And do you see those enlisted walking his way? Five bucks says those enlisted will sneak around behind that crane so they don’t have to salute.”

“No way will I take that bet; nobody would take that bet. Bet you five that roach-coach that just pulled in will honk three times after he stops.”

“Bet you five he honks before he stops.”

“You’re on and here he comes.”

Sound of roach-coach’s horn honking four times.

“You owe me five.”

“I do not; you said three and he honked four.”

“Okay, but it looks like that Commander outsmarted those enlisted; look, he’s got them all lined up at attention. I guess he doesn’t have anything better to do.”

“What a shame to ruin such a beautiful day, is all I can say.”

“Bet you five you can say a lot more if you wanted to.”

“I got one for you, and this time it’s serious.”

“You mean the others weren’t? This I gotta hear.”

“What I meant was this is a ten-dollar bet.”

“This better be good. Wait, let me call Bendler on over to listen to this one. Hey, George, come here and hear this.”

“What’s up?”

“Nichols wants to make a $10 bet.”

“Wait one; let me get the guys in the shack. Okay, shoot; what you got?”

“I got $10 says that if Pence runs for president he’ll get less than ten votes.”


“Total, the whole country. Either they don’t vote for him or maybe not vote at all or vote for somebody else, but the only idiots who would vote for that Judas would be himself and maybe his wife and kids and maybe a few others.”

“So let me get this straight: is it ten votes or is it just less than ten? Could he get, maybe, two votes? I mean, are we just shootin’ in the barrel or are we going to nail the exact number of votes, total?”

“I say we nail the number of votes total. Put me down for two.”

“Well, he’s got a kid so I’ll say three.”

“I think he’s got two kids, so I’ll say four.”

“Let’s make a chart at ten bucks each. Have the whole ship in on it.”

“Including officers?”

“Everybody gets an equal chance to win at ten dollars a shot. Have the Master-at-Arms hold the money.”

“What if he gets no votes?”

“Is that possible?”

“I don’t know; he’s pretty dumb. Heck, if he didn’t certify the fraudulent votes he’d have been a shoe-in for president come 2024.”

“That’s true. Okay, then, we’ll make it any number from zero to ten.”

“What if he gets more than ten?”

Sounds of jeers and catcalls; the party breaks up so only the original two are left.

“Bet you five that the next vehicle that parks at that building over there to the right backs in.”

“You’re on.”


Ballad of the Alamo” (3:39)

Professor “Trash the masks” Zorkophsky

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