by Roving Reporter, ©2021
(public domain),
(May 5, 2021) — “Here Comes the Sun” (3:11)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’re back on the road, collecting human-interest stories, so what do you say we roll the tape and justify my paycheck?
“Excuse me, Roving Reporter (RR), here for ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot.”
“Oh, is that a fact? Answer me this, then: how come I’ve never heard of you?”
“Do you have a television set? Well, then, maybe you have a computer? How about a radio, or a newspaper or a periodical?”
“What’s one of them there ‘periodicals?’”
“Something you’ve got to read.”
“No, we don’t got one of those.”
“Then how in tarnation do you get your information?”
“Gossip is how.”
“So, if I’m not being too nosy, mind if I ask who you voted for in the last election?”
“No, I don’t mind. I voted for America.”
“Care to be a tad more specific?”
“I didn’t vote for China, okay?”
“Got it, and I thank you. Signing off from the woods of Georgia. Let’s take a commercial break.”
“I Wonder Why” (2:16)
“Our next guest is, well, how come you’re dressed all in camouflage?”
“Goin’ fishin’, I am. Here, I took the day off so that’s what I’m doin’.”
“Okay, you’re going to catch some fish; then why all the camouflage?”
“No, I ain’t hidin’ from the fish; it’s those pesky game wardens.”
“I guess that makes sense. So, what’s you concern of the day?”
“Game warden. Didn’t we just talk about that?”
“Maybe we did. So, besides that, what is you concern of the day, or week, or whatever?”
“To get through another day without eating the bullet, that’s what.”
“You mean there’s an ‘The bullet?’”
“There is if it has your name on it.”
“So what’s your story?”
“Army: Iraq and then a couple of tours of Afghan; Sand Land; the ‘Land of Sorrow’; the ‘Place to be most fitted for a prosthetic.’”
“Really?”
“What do you think? We’ve been there for twenty years and all we’ve got to show for it is kickbacks to Congress and a bunch of cripples. I’ve got one in my brain, is where mine is. But I read a book that saved my, well, saved me.”
“A book? Who wrote it?”
“Some professor who goes by the name of ‘Zork,’ believe it or not. I used to go to the VA for pills, but they made me the walking dead; believe it. Anyway, he said to face it head-on, like; make up your mind to be a slave to the pills or flush the pills* and face it. So I faced it.”
“How? How did you ‘face it?’”
“Sat up all night with a gun in my mouth, is how I did it, and I watched the sun rise and I was still alive, but burned each and every bridge to get there. I mean. I don’t know if it was worth it, but here I am so I guess I better make the best of it.”
“I guess you better. So tell us about Afghanistan.”
“I’ll tell you this much: government contractors are the ones making the big bucks, hand over fist. There’s so much money to be had you wouldn’t believe it. Look, we’ve been there twenty years and all we got to show for it is a bunch of bodies, either dead, crippled or brain-fried like me. Oh, and a bunch of rich folks who made their money on my back, but I didn’t get any of it, now, did I? And I wore the uniform and saluted the flag and then come back to America and see Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib in Congress and treated as if they count. No wonder Veterans blow their brains out.”
“I hear you.”
“So I go through the pits and America is bending over backward to, get this, ‘accommodate’ the migrants, for cryin’ out loud. I’m sick of it and I’m sick of them. This sure as heck ain’t my country no more and it wouldn’t take much of a nudge to make me go head-to-head with any one of them; take your pick, from a Dem and RINO to, well, you figure it out.”
“That’s what we like to hear, what real Americans are thinking and feelin’. Thanks for talking with us; what do you say we take a break?”
“The Impossible Dream” (2:31)
“We’ve run out of time? Oh, okay, so just let me say that our last customer kind-of nailed it, didn’t he? I mean, I agreed with everything he said, especially the part that it wouldn’t take much of a nudge to get us all out on the streets, not to loot and burn but to go after the bums that do the burning and looting, that’s who. Deport them or possibly tar and feather them; give them some China flu shots; that just might do it. We’ll give Anthony Fauci one while we’re at it, and his kids and grandkids; see how he likes it. Maybe that’s exactly what hasn’t been said, up ‘til now.
“I see it’s that time where I wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time; my treat.”
[*Pills: They may come in many disguises, besides ‘pills’; from marijuana or Drambuie; beer or cigarettes; gin or whiskey.]
“Angie” (4:32)