by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021

(Mar. 29, 2021) — “Bach – Prelude in C Major” (2:44)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. And here we are, out on the sidewalk at 3:00 in the morning, taking advantage of a sky that’s not drenching us. Hey, you, excuse me. What’re you doing walking your dog?”

“Walking my dog?”

“Congratulations, you just won a trip to, well, the heck with the trip. ‘Zork’ here for ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched live information show in its time slot.”

“That wouldn’t take much. So what is it that you do?”

“We conduct impromptu interviews of ordinary American citizens.”

“In English? Then you’re racist; you just eliminated about half of America by not speaking Spanish, and a few more for not speaking Arabic.”

“Now you’re making me feel bad.”

“You don’t look it.”

“How about deporting them?”

“I don’t have a problem with that; sure would cut down on the crime, wouldn’t it? Let me ask you a question: do Spanish- and Arabic-speaking people know anything about morals, such as ‘Thou shall not steal?’”

“No, they do not; they know nothing of morals, especially the big one.”

“Which one would that be?”

“Why, the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would wish done upon yourself. Excuse us while we break for a commercial.”

The Twelfth of Never” (2:28)

“And we’re back with, by the way — mind telling us your name and what you do?”

“No, not at all. This is Candy and I’m Sam; she does dog stuff and I am a high school history teacher.”

“Oh, really; how is the teaching profession doing?”

“To put it politely, let me answer this way: this will be my last year and it couldn’t come any sooner.”

“Now why do you say that?”

“Because the young people of today are the Brown Shirts of yesterday; the little snitches; the liars and cheats; the shoplifters; the whiners; the gamers; the…”

“Hold it; what do you mean by ‘gamers?’”

“You know, when things don’t go their way they act like spoiled brats. They’ll threaten to play the ‘race card’ or yell ‘racist’; anything to draw attention away from their shortcomings and put the spotlight on some poor innocent person.”

“Go on.”

“Well, as I was saying, the actions of morally corrupt governors, such as Andrew Cuomo of New York, and mayors, such as Lori Lightfoot of Chicago and Muriel Browser of Washington, DC, not to mention two who are frauds, cheats and liars, and that would be, obviously, Biden-Harris, have set an example to our young people that honesty, hard work and common sense are not admirable traits; on the contrary, getting away with lying and stealing is the way in which to live your life.”

“That bad?”

“Well, as I said, I teach history but I can’t teach the truth. I can mention the Romans in Jerusalem, but I can’t mention Jesus; I can’t mention Mark Twain or Leo Tolstoy, besides Dr. Seuss. I can’t teach the history of American literature by mentioning The House of the Seven Gables or Poe’s ‘The Caste of Amontillado.’ I can’t even mention the Bible, the Ten Commandments and especially the Constitution.”

“Well, my gosh, what do you teach?”

“To tell the truth, I don’t teach anything; all I do is read some lies that the school board hands out; that’s it. I’m to the point when I get to work, I make my mind go blank and then I turn it on again when I get home.”

“Probably the same thing the students do.”

“No doubt. Look, twenty years ago I was gung-ho on being a teacher. My parents were wealthy so I got a good education, which I enjoyed, and I wanted to pass on my enthusiasm to the younger generation, but no more. I want out and the only advice I can give a young person today is, ‘Don’t be a teacher.’”

“That bad?”

“Worse, much worse**, like all of a sudden I’m the enemy. You know what? The Deep State is turning America into what South Africa was twenty years ago, that’s what. Our country was doing okay until Obama came on the scene, and now we’ve suddenly gone back to what the Dems had in mind back in 1865: we’re not Americans; we’re black and white. Okay, Candy, we’re leaving. See you around, Zork.”

“Thanks for talking with us, Candy and Sam. I’m afraid that teacher was right; the young people today have no sense of right or wrong, thanks in no small part to our system of ‘justice’ that insists on coddling lawbreakers.

“But before we sign off, I’d like to insert a thought or two about Goebekli Tepe.’ First of all, the absence of pottery* does not necessarily mean that the builders of the site didn’t have any; all it means is that pottery has not been discovered there. My second thought is this: they keep on eluding to the ‘dawn’ of civilization when it could have easily been the end, which may be the reason it was backfilled, perhaps to preserve it for whomever. Drawing conclusions based on tangential speculation is not necessarily dangerous but could lead in directions away from the truth.

“Well, that’ll do it for us so I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight, wait. Let me read this for you, a communiqué from the Little People:

To The Pulse of the Nation;

We have been stopped in our tracks by rain but will continue as soon as it stops and there are no sightings of Canadian Geese heading north.

Send a message to the Joint Chiefs of Staff: There are but two choices: the countdown has started: in a couple of days it’ll be a couple of hours so you will either uphold your Oath or resign.


The Mayor of the Little People


“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*pottery: they stress the fact that the site ‘pre-dates’ pottery. Maybe it does, but then again, maybe not.]

[**Worse, much worse: teens kill cab driver. $5 says they walk. And that’s what I’m talking about, what this editorial was all about.]

Oh Julie” (2:46)

Professor “Trash the masks” Zorkophsky

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