by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021

Vice President Mike Pence

(Jan. 12, 2021) — [Editor’s Note: This article was received prior to the Electoral vote count on January 6 but inadvertently overlooked.]

Solo Violin” (0:19)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it hear first. Today we have the very person we need the most, none other than Rook Dunkin. Thank you for rushing over here on such short notice.”

“You tellin’ me? Didn’t even let me have enough time to assemble the choir, so here I am, choirless for the first time since I became a Bishop.”

“Please accept my sincere and deepest apologies.”

“Sincere and deepest apologies accepted, Zork.”

“Okay, tell us what you think about Vice President Pence.”

“First, let us pray. We pray for guidance, Lord, and nothing else. We’re not asking for favors or handouts; we’re not slimy Dems. We are Patriots and that’s our strength. Please hear our plea. Amen.”


“Please be seated.”

“I am.”

“Oh, so you are. In the whole history of the New Testament, never, not once and not ever, has it ever said (or even hinted at) for Christians to turn the other cheek to blatant in-you-face theft and lies. It also has never said for Christians not to use the brain that God gave us to reason and solve problems.”

“I do believe you’re quite correct, Rook Dunkin.”

“Thank you, Zork. Now, to continue: I will give you two examples. First example is about a battle plan during World War II that crossed all the ‘T’s’ and dotted all the ‘I’s.’ The plan went from committee to committee, up the chain of command until it reached the top where it was praised by having all the ‘T’s’ and ‘I’s’ crossed and dotted.

“It was, in short, the perfect plan: the paratroopers would land at dawn and capture the bridge. The models were precise and accurate, even to the trees, roads and hedges. So on the evening before the ‘GO’ order, a de Havilland Mosquito reconnaissance plane was sent on one last mission, just to check, you see. The film got back as the paratroopers were boarding the plane and it was then discovered, as the American troops were en route, that during the previous day a German tank battalion sneaked in and was hiding beneath the trees.

“The information was immediately sent up the chain of command where it was ruled that it would be a shame to call off such a perfect plan, that there was no need to spoil it. End result? Our guys got slaughtered.”

“That really happened? For real?”

“For real, sad to say. Nobody got in trouble or demoted; after all, it was the ‘perfect plan.’

“Let’s take a commercial break ‘cause I sure need one.”

Auld Lang Syne” (1:30)

“And we’re back with Rook Dunkin to tell us his second example. It’s all yours, Rook.”

“Thank you, Zork. Now our first example was one of blindly following the proper procedures, where each and every ‘T’ was crossed and each and every ‘I’ was dotted. The plan was scrutinized from A to Z and found to be without fault, just as our Constitution is without fault. What doomed our paratroopers was the General’s inability to THINK outside the box, and because of his unwavering belief that there were no possible circumstances in which the process could be in error, every one of our paratroopers was either killed or captured.

“Our second example is another true story, that of thirteen guys delivering ‘medical supplies’ to friendlies in the hills of Laos. The problem started as the plane was landing when the natives opened up, killing the pilot and wrecking the plane. The officer in charge wanted to wave the white flag, but that didn’t go down any too well with the troops since they killed a bunch of the natives as they were being shot at.

“So this one guy decided to attack the natives in the dead of night; after all, they were as well as dead anyway: why wait ‘til morning? The officer said no, surrender was the best option. Not. So this one guy led the troops through the night, crawling on the ground, one knee at a time and used knives to quiet the sentries, then opened up on the camp, where they killed each and every one of them. The Americans that weren’t killed on landing or shortly thereafter all made it back, which is one heck of a good example of not following the book, of using the brain that the Good Lord gave us.

“Now I just have given you two true stories, one with a sad ending and the other with a good ending. So will VP Mike Pence use the brain that the good Lord gave him, or will he surrender the white flag and be the Pontius Pilot of our times? Shame on you, Mike Pence; stand up and be a man when we need you the most. Try it; it’ll be worth it.”

“And that’s all the time we have, I’m afraid, so, on behalf of Rook Dunkin, I’ll be wishin’ you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“But golly, Rook, those were pretty powerful stories, for sure. Burger time: my treat.”

Blood on the Risers – Paratroopers Song” (5:50)

Professor Zorkophsky

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