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by OPOVV, ©2020

Photo: DariuszSankowski, Pixabay, License

(Feb. 9, 2020) — “In this special edition of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ we have been invited to a secluded meeting hall – about an hour’s drive out of town – to witness a group of professional psychiatrists who treat veterans who are contemplating ‘eating a bullet’ discuss the best methods to treat PTSD. First at the podium is Rook Dunkin to give the Collect (opening prayer), so let’s listen in after this commercial.”

Doncha’ Think It’s Time” (1:52)

“Dear Lord, we are gathered here to learn how we can do better in treating some really sad cases who are suffering from PTSD. In my profession, I have come across many who need help and I have done my best to guide them on their individual path to normalcy. And since each individual is different, there is no panacea; however, there are certain guidelines that have been proven to be beneficial to a vast majority of those afflicted. My advice to them has been to find a good Bible-based church and make a point of never missing a Sunday service. I shall now turn the podium over to Madam Shylock who has seen many who seek help.”

“Thank you, Rook Dunkin. First of all, I would like to thank you all for inviting me to this prestigious gathering with the express purpose of helping many of those who don’t even know they need help. Some fortunetellers are adept at hypnosis, but I’m of the old school that believes in facing problems head-on, and that means dispensing with the pills that bring our patients up, and then bring them down with the hope that they’ll find a middle ground. Unfortunately, the human mind is continually modifying conclusions as a survival technique. What was acceptable behavior in Afghanistan may not be acceptable behavior in Peoria.

“And PTSD can incapacitate at any time; I mean, a person can live for years – even decades – before something sets off the memory and abnormal behavior takes control. Getting drunk every night and taking pills every day is not my recommendation for a cure; all that does is postpone finding a cure or the end. And we’re here for a possible cure and there’s nobody that I know of who has had more experience with nuts than Professor Zorkophsky who, as many of you know, used to work at a VA hospital but was dismissed for not prescribing enough pills. The podium is yours, Professor.”

“Thank you, Madam Shylock, and it is indeed an honor to address you all on this very important subject. So far we have had two really good suggestions on how to help those who need help: find a good church and quit the drugs. I’m here to add to that list, and my contribution is one of communication. It has been my professional observation that PTSD sufferers are loners, quiet and hesitant to be noticed in any capacity whatsoever. In short, they shut themselves off from the rest of us.”

(Excuse me, but if you are reading the transcript this is where Molly, our secretary, will insert a song in lieu of a commercial.)

He’s So Fine” (1:55)

“And some of these patients have it really bad, so much that they commit suicide, as we all know only too well. It’s our failure, our failure as a people who send young men to fight a war only to come home and their war doesn’t end; it keeps on going day after day.

“I’ll cite two examples to make my point. The first example is one of delayed stress. There was this Vietnam Veteran who thought everything was all right; that is, until a couple of years after he got back to ‘The World,’ he took a vacation down the coast of Texas and wasn’t he surprised to see all those Vietnamese fishermen?

“And the example of immediate stress is that of a Marine who did a tour of duty in Afghanistan, only to come back home to find a Mega Mosque* in his hometown. More of our troops who fought Muslims have a higher rate of suicide than any of our past enemies: Germans and Japanese; Korean and Vietnamese. I think it’s quite safe to say that our Department of Homeland Security has done a really good job in spreading Muslims throughout our country so that no matter where you are, you’re bound to see a hijab or a burqa or two, especially in areas of travel – train depots, bus stations, airports – and grocery stores.

“This is, in case you haven’t figured it out, by design. The takeover of our country is happening faster than any of us ever thought possible, and by the time it took you to read this editorial ten more Muslims just came into our country and none left. Want to save our troops? There’s only one cure: deport each and every Muslim from within our borders and I think by sundown isn’t soon enough. Thank you for being such an attentive audience.”

“And that’ll do it for us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Mega MosqueAlready built.]

[Now about this song you are about to hear, “One Tin Soldier”: we, you and I, are the Mountain People and the Muslims live in the valley below, and that’s exactly what we’re defending ourselves against: ignorance. And there’s absolutely no reasoning with ignorance; it’s impossible, so why try? Either we fight the fight that needs fighting, or else we will have lost the World’s Beacon of Freedom, which I really don’t want to do; you with me?]

One Tin Soldier” (3:25)


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