The Amazing Larry Kudlow (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2020

Photo: Gage Skidmore, Wikipedia, CC by SA 2.0

(Jan. 12, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your fact-filled show that, ‘If you hear it here you don’t need to hear it anywhere else.’ Hello, I’m Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), back on our beat, under the awning, across the street from the train station where we ambush commuters to glean some insight as to what we should be concerned about. Did I say that right? I did? Then let’s get started. You there, excuse me, please, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the award…”

“…-winning show that’s talked about at the water cooler the next morning’; yes, yes, we’ve all heard it all a thousand times. Gets boring. Why don’t you come up with something new for a change?”

“We just did: ‘If you hear it here you don’t need to hear it anywhere else.’ What do you think of it?”

“I think I like it. Who came up with that idea? Not you.”

“No, it wasn’t me. The editor suggested I drop the ‘most popular in its time slot’ and deal with the reality that we’re losing viewers as fast as we’re gaining readers in The P&E.”

“Are you going to say something about losing the satellite contract?”

“No, I’m not, although I’d like to. So, what’s you name and what do you do?”

“My name is Steve and I make short documentaries for a TV series called, ‘Is it Coincidence or is it Fact?’ I just finished one and am on my way downtown to drop it off.”

“How exciting. Could you perhaps elaborate so I don’t have to twist your arm?”

“Oh, okay. So this one I call, ‘The Amazing Powers of ‘Larry Kudlow.”

“You mean Trump’s moneyman? What’s so amazing about him?”

“You’re kidding? Why, just the other day, while he was on Varney at FOX, the stock market hit a record high. What more do you want?”

“So let me see if I understand this: you’re saying that every time Larry Kudlow is on Varney the stock market reaches a record high?”

“That’s right.”

“Why, that truly is amazing. How many times has that happened?”


“Once? You’re telling our audience that you made a documentary based on a one-time happening for a show you call ‘Is it a Coincidence or is it a Fact?’

“But who’s to say it won’t happen again? Every ‘repeat’ had to start the first time, see?”

“I’ve never seen your show and now I know why. Let’s break for a commercial.”

I Can’t Help It (if I’m still in love with you)” (2:59)

“And you are?”

“I’m Sarah and I’m a ‘separator’; I separate money from people.”

“You’re a sales lady.”

“You got it.”

“So what’s bugging you these days?”

“Impeachment used to but now I find myself impatient for Joe Biden and all the other Deep-Staters being grilled in a Senate hearing, where if they commit perjury they go directly to jail. That I’d like to see.”

“So would we all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, but my train is just pulling in. Bye.”

“And off she goes and off we go for another commercial.”

Old Shep” (3:20)

“Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ ‘If you hear it here you don’t need to hear it anywhere else.’ Care to be interviewed on live TV?”

“Okay. What do I do?”

“Tell us your name and where are you off to on this fine day?”

“My name is Anointing Jane and before you ask, I’ll tell you: my parents were, as Professor Zorkophsky would say, bonkers.”

“You mean to say that your name is ‘Anointing Jane?’ Jane is your last name?”

“No, its like a Mary Jane, but instead of ‘Mary’ there’s an ‘Anointing.’”

“Ever get the feeling that you’re reaping just dues?”


“Never mind. So how about telling us what’s on your mind these days? Oh, and what you do for a living.”

“Sure; I’m a proofreader for one of those annoying fillers they put in newspapers. I have a degree as a psychoanalyst but I had a hard time getting patients.”

“Because of your first name?”

“Yes, but let me tell you what’s bugging me these days. We had three years of ‘Russian collusion,’ followed by Ukrainian quid pro quo. This Omar character is not the ‘thorn in the Democrats’ side’; she is the Democrats’ side: hate Israel and hate Trump. The Deep State has no plans to deport any Muslims from our country when it should be protecting us from people who want to kill us.”

“How did you arrive at that conclusion?”

“I’ve followed the demise of the European Union since its inception. I’ve seen the identity of each country wiped off the map; their currency disappear; customs gone by the wayside; borders nonexistent. And I’ve seen this so-called ‘Muslim migration’ as a cover for ‘Muslim invasion’ and the expected aftermath: rapes, murders and the introduction of No-go zones, the dawn of Sharia Law. I’ve seen Americans who take Omar at face value, who have no problem with Muslims in our military and who think that the word ‘migrant’ means contributing to society rather than destroying it.”

“Seems as if your education is going to waste.”

“Not at all: I voted for Trump. And here’s my train.”

“And off she goes and that goes for us, too. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Hard on Equipment (Tool for the Job)” (3:16)


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