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by OPOVV, ©2019

Photo: tracyhammond at Pixabay

(Sep. 9, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the place where, when you leave, you’ll be a more informed citizen and, therefore, able to make an informed discussion on why Socialism is the death of freedom; the end of free speech; the destruction of entrepreneurship; the silencing of forward thinking and the chances of new horizons opening for the advancement of the human race reaching for the stars. Hello, my name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and I’ll be your host for this episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular news entertainment show. Now, before we get started, my boss has told me time and time again to answer the mail, so let’s get to it, shall we?

Dear Roving,

Why don’t you have Madam Shylock on more often?

A long-time viewer.


Dear Viewer,

Because Madam Shylock charges exorbitant fees, is why.


Okay, mission completed. What do you say we interview our first commuter as they pass us on the way to take the train to the big city? Oh, sorry; we’re broadcasting from our favorite corner, under the awning, across the street from the depot in one of the ‘burbs west of the city. Excuse me, Miss, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”

“Hello, Roving, I’m sorry, but I’m in a rush. Does that red light on his camera mean that you’re recording?”

“You’re on TV. So, what’s your name and where are you off to?”

“How trite. Why don’t you ask me my pet peeve, like you used to do? What, I’m sliced bologna and my opinions don’t count? This is what I think: ‘Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world.’  You know who said that? Marilyn Monroe, that’s who. Imagine a Socialist economy keeping up with the changing trends of women’s fashions? You can’t; it’s an impossibility.”

“Reminds me of that television commercial a few years ago about a Russian fashion show where the ladies are all wearing the same trench coat and goulashes.”

“Yes, I remember that one, too. And they had flashlights for some obscure reason. But here’s my point, before the next train arrives: Socialism means the number of choices goes from limitless to zero, just like their ballots. Sure, the dictator won by 100% since his or her name was the only one on the ballot. Welcome to the world of Socialism. Bye.”

“Hey, thanks for your input. What do you say we take a break?”

When You’re in Love With a Beautiful Woman” (2:52)

“And we’re back with Harry, a retired city employee. What did you do for the city, Harry?”

“Not much; proud thirty years of not much. Was a cop for the first twenty and then spent time in the park division as a security guard. Squirreled enough money to retire to a condo in Florida. You know what? The condo units go for half a million and the whole building is full of retired cops.”

“And, what, that surprises you?”

“Well, I guess not, really. I mean, as long as the drugs keep flowing across the border, and as long as the illegal immigrants and Muslims keep killing Americans, cops will have job security for eternity. Excuse me, Roving, got to run; visiting the in-laws for a couple of days.”

“And off he goes. So one more commercial and then one more interview? Okay, let’s break.”

Ragtime Cowboy Joe” (2:27)

“Hey, you! Where you been? Look, everybody; it’s the Turtle who sits on rock in moonlight! The last time we saw you was at the university’s observatory outside of town couple of years ago. How goes it?”

“Did you know that when galaxies collide the chances of any star coming in contact with another is astronomical?”

“Was that supposed to be an astronomer joke?”

“Maybe not. The world seems to be one big joke; you ever notice that?”

“You telling us? Why, we’re in the business of reporting jokes. Why, we reported on Paul Ryan hiding from the Angel Moms and we report on Omar and the rest of the clowns.”

“And the world is better off for your efforts, Roving. It’s no wonder that you’re so popular and are a perennial award-winning show.”

“Thank you, Mr. Turtle. So, any pet peeves you wish to share with us?”

“Besides C.A.I.R. allowed to operate in our country? Wait, I got one for you: how come we don’t see any Angel Moms at any of the Democratic campaign speeches? Answer that one, if you can.”

“Well, I sure as heck can’t. You know, don’t you, that one of these days one of the Angel Moms or Dads is going to breech security and pop up on the stage with Biden or Pocahontas or any one of the other losers, and I hope they get it all on film.”

“Seeing that would sure be worth the price of admission.”

“And what about Kamala Harris?”

“You mean the ex-DA who withheld evidence that would get the not-guilty off? Letting innocent people rot in jail so her conviction tally marks would look impressive to the voters: ‘Oh, look, I only railroaded 40% this year.’ How about a little bit of fair play, okay? Put her behind bars for a couple of years and see how she likes it. Look, I’m on my way to look at the trains at the museum. Bye. Nice to see you, Roving, and crew.”

“And off he goes and off we go. Meet with the Taliban? So what, the Muslims can infect themselves with the Ebola Virus? I don’t trust them, is all I’m saying. Thanks for watching and so, on behalf of my crew here, I want to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another one for the books. Nice to have seen Turtle Who Sits on rock in the Moonlight. Burger time: my treat.”

I Am the Blues” (3:41)




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  1. Whoa! Not THIS government, some fictitious government in the future that accepts Socialism as the lowest standard possible.

    Come on. Who in their right mind would allocate the government to do anything more than we hired them to do, such as enforce the rules of the road for the Ohio and Mississippi river barge traffic and such, such as the FAA and likewise?

    Not us, that’s for sure.

  2. If your shoes were made by barry barack hussein soetoro obama they’d have fake soles on them. What? No way!
    Yes way!