Zorkophsky’s Book Review: The Woman’s Mind (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2019

By Njsmith3 – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=76510503

(Jul. 9, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the one place that you can go to for reliable information about every subject under the sun, and then some. Face it: somewhere out there is an asteroid with our name on it. I’m Roving and will be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ which is being broadcast from Professor Zorkophsky‘s office here at the university, for an interview about the latest best-seller: ‘The Woman’s Mind.’ Welcome to the show, Professor, and we see that you hit another one out of the park. What is this, number 51?”

“As long as it makes money, we don’t bother counting. Now the ones that don’t make it, we give it a new title, new cover and maybe have some Hollywood starlet do a favorable review, preferably with an accompanying photo of her playing volleyball at the beach in a bikini. And, please, call me ‘Zork’ while we’re in such relaxing surroundings. I take it you noticed the Venetian Gondola?”

“You’re a funny guy, Zork. So you removed a door and made a hole in the wall so your lap pool is now an oval?”

“Close, but there’s a lot more to it than that. I have it connected to the passage to the lake, too. Notice the twin outboards?”

“Hard to miss: twin 300 hp Evinrudes. Now, about your latest bestseller, ‘The Woman’s Mind.’

“I’m glad you asked. Do you know that my book sales increase 30% whenever I get a chance to hawk one on your show? I anticipated a question that I’m sure you’re going to ask: where did the idea come from? It came while I was treating a patient of mine that I recorded. Here, let’s listen:

Patient: “I just can’t figure them out, Doc.”

Zork: “Please, let’s keep this on a professional plane so, if you would, please, address me as Professor Zorkophsky. Now, to answer your question, even as far back as Adam and Eve, has never been able to figure women out.”

Patient: “So she cheats on me, commits adultery, so I leave her. After a while, like a fool, we try again and guess what?”

Zork: “I’m almost afraid to answer, but I’ll say she cheats again.”

Patient: “How did you know? You’re one smart shrink. Anyway, I asked her why she cheated and she said, and I’m not making this up, she said, ‘Because you left me.’ Can you believe it?”

Zork: “Let me see if I’m understanding this correctly: she cheats, you leave her, but the reason she cheats is because you leave her, am I right?”

Patient: “I hate to say it, but you are right. So I say to her, ‘But I wouldn’t be leaving you if you wouldn’t be cheating. You started it.’ And then she says, ‘It doesn’t change the fact that you left.’”

Zork: “I see your point; it can become confusing, to say the least. I think the best we can do is just accept it and you go and find a girl who doesn’t lie; do you think you can do that?”

Patient: “Gee, thanks a lot, Professor Zorkophsky, I was beginning to wonder if there was ever an answer to the riddle, ‘What came first, the chicken or the egg?’

Zork: “And finally the riddle is answered, for once and for all: WHATEVER SHE SAYS IT IS.”

“And that’s why you’re such a successful author, Zork: you get to the kernel, expose it, and come up with the only possible viable solution. So, what’s the problem with the Democrats? How come they’re all suddenly anti-Semitic; anti-Christian; anti-Constitution; and anti-Common Sense?”

“Ignorance that is the result of a very poor public education system. We’re paying for Affirmative Action and high school graduates who can neither read nor write, let alone speak proper English. We’re paying for our past failures big-time, and it is big-time when you have members of Congress who are openly anti-Semitic and anti-Bill of Rights. Either we deal with it forthwith, or we’ll be standing on the fence with the rope in our hand while the horse has not only left the barn, but if we don’t throw the lasso, like NOW, our last chance will have disappeared from the face of the earth. It’s a war against Western Civilization and the sad part of the whole equation is that few are aware what’s going on and what’s at stake.”

“Gee whiz, Zork, how about being a little bit less dramatic?”

Daniel PearlJames FoleyBeltway Sniper and Nidal Hasan, and that’s just the beginning.”

“Okay, Zork, I stand corrected; it was another great interview about your new book, ‘The Woman’s Mind,’ and we thank you for it. And that’ll do it for us, too, and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another great show: the chicken and the egg. Hey, Zork, it’s burger time: my treat.”

Rollin’ With The Flow” (2:41)


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