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by OPOVV, ©2019

Photo credit: skeeze at Pixabay

(Jul. 6, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to rest your mind from all the haywire in our daily grind. Hello, my name is Roving, the host of this ever-so-popular television show, which, by the way, is taking place at the bookstore across the street from the baseball stadium. We’re here celebrating Professor Zorkophsky’s latest bestseller on — and I’m reading the preface: ‘How to live a life without overwhelming abject regret.’ Did I read that correctly, Professor Zorkophsky?”

“Close enough, Roving, but please, let’s dispense with such formalities and just call me ‘Zork’; this is, after all, an informal book-signing event.”

“Fair enough, Zork. So how about telling us how you came about your idea and what the book is all about?”

“Well, first it’s only $19.95 and can be ordered online, and if you order from my website I’ll send you an autographed copy.”

“Will it be a real autograph or will someone just stamp your signature?”

“Would you like to hear about my latest addition that I made to my office? I bought a second-hand parachute jump from a bankrupt amusement park, and that’s when I come up with my great ideas: while I’m falling in a weightless condition. It really works; try it next time you visit my office.”

“For sure. So, what’s the book about? Can it be made into a movie, which reminds me: how’s that epic film of yours and the Chief’s doing?”

‘The Dandelion War will be one of the greatest films of all-time, or at least the longest, this I know for a fact. You see, whenever a new sordid revelation is exposed:  you know, the crooked deals that Barry Soetoro and Hillary made with the Devil, we just add it to the end. It’s like we add another ten minutes a week. It’s like an annuity: for those who saw the first showing, well, we’re into the fourth revision and it’s only been out a couple of months. We broke even the first week, by the way.”

“That’s really good news. Now, about your book; tell us about it; where did the idea come from?”

“The idea came when I was on my riding lawn mower, avoiding mowing the bees on the clover. I was thinking that I’d regret mowing one of them, which got me to thinking how many little critters I was killing as I was mowing; I mean, surely I was crushing quite a few living organisms, plus I had breakfast and was about to have lunch. And then, whenever I’m on your show, we celebrate by eating burgers – meat from cows – and the rest, as they say, is history.”

“Well, yes, that’s all well and good and I’m sure we all think those thoughts, but surely your book has to be a lot more insightful than that.”

“It does? Oh, yes, of course, and it is. It’s like this: let’s say a guy falls for one of the girls he grew up with; you know, grade school and then through high school but he thinks there’s a big world out there and he’d miss out if he stayed, sort-of tied down; you with me?”

“Right; he wants to see the world, to see what’s better.”

“That’s right and it’s a normal thought, but what is seldom preached or taught is that it was right there in front of him, and all the traveling and searching was in vain – not necessarily wasted – but in vain because he never went back home, hence the title: Basic Revelations.”

“Sounds like a pretty good story.”

“Yes, it is: it’s a story told countless of times, from generation to generation, and yet the wanderlust is a powerful force that affects the male of the species to the extent that most men cast their first love aside — to fall into the recesses of their memory — only to resurface when the bridges have been long crossed and burnt: once the revelation is revealed that there’s no possible redemption — no possible way of turning back — does real regret soak in and one of life’s lessons has been learned a little too well: the first patch of green grass will always remain the sweetest.”

“Now would be a good time to take a commercial break.”

The Old Rustic Bridge by the Mill” (4:57)

“And we’re back. Zork was called away for some important meeting so we’re wandering about in the Veterans’ Memorial Park, which is right next door, where we hope to get an interview or two. Excuse me, sir, care to be interviewed on TV? Roving here for ‘Pulse.’

“I’m tellin’ you, they got it all wrong; backwards it is. They been sayin’ one thing but mean another. Makes one wonder if they ever hear the words they’re spoutin’.”

“Hold on a minute, will you? Let’s say you and me start from the beginning? What’s your name and what’s you main gripe of the day?”

“No one wants to hear from an old geezer, that’s for sure. Been to a library lately? All they do is check out movies; ‘nary a book. Trouble is, no one takes the time to read words any more. Used to be a time when people would read for reading’s sake; savor the aroma of words flowing like a meadow’s brook; basking in the surprise use of a word they never imagined: poetry, Shakespeare, my boy, the classics of literature: the Green Knight and assorted dragons. You gettin’ this?”

“Hold it. Let’s try again: what’s your name and what’s your pet peeve?”

“Name is Roy and my pet peeve is the hypocrisy — a disease of the soul – that is spreading faster than wildfire. People say they’re Christian yet are also Democrats. And the LGBT communities, along with NOW, purport support for the very people who will push them all off tall buildings or throw them under a train, given half a chance. I mean, how dumb are these people?”

“Pretty dumb.”

“Furthermore, doesn’t anybody know about the so-called ‘honor premeditated killings’ and disfigurement and FGM, or are they all brain-dead?”

“I vote for brain-dead.”

“Well, at least there’s someone who works in the news with half a brain. And another thing: the Democrats hate the Christian and the Jew just about equally, so how can someone who says they’re a Christian be anti-Jewish; answer me that?”


“That’s right: the Democrats are against the Jews; against our embassy in Jerusalem and, let’s face it, a bunch of crybabies who suffer from shootin’ themselves in the foot and don’t even know it. They say that Israel has a right to exist but they support Ilhan Omar.  Now how can you ever expect to reason with people who say they’re for the Golden Rule but don’t practice it? Huh, how about you tellin’ me that one, if you can.”

“I can’t, so I won’t. It was nice to have talked with you, Roy. Well, our time’s up and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Hey, Roy, it’s burger time: my treat.”

Lovers Who Wander” (2:35)


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