by OPOVV, ©2019

(Jan. 4, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your one stop for what’s bugging our fellow citizens. And to throw in my two cents, I don’t care what bugs the illegals in our country, just to set the record straight. I don’t care what they think, their concerns or, really, now, what happens to them as long as it happens in their own country and then, and only then, I may take a passing interest in a car bomb or a natural disaster. You with me? I’m as concerned and caring as the next guy, but I’m more concerned about one of our own, like in the Appalachian Mountains or South Side Chicago. And when I say one of our own, I mean a real honest-to-goodness American citizen, not some fraud like Obama. Hey, Barry, WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?

 “As you can see, we’re back on our beat standing under the awning, across the street from the railroad station, about to waylay this young lady and ask her…”

“Ask me what?”

“What’s on your mind.”

“You want me to tell you the truth or do you want some sanitized version of ‘It’s not who we are’?”

“I’ll take the lie, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, but I do mind. The lie would be to give DACA the time of day; the lie would be to say the phrase ‘pathway to citizenship’: the lie would be to show compassion for the plight of the illegals; maybe top it off with some crocodile tears, just for show.”

“I’ve changed my mind; let’s hear the truth.”

“The truth is there’s no reason under the sun why we can’t deport each and every one of these illegals, that’s what. I’m sick and tired of hearing the defeatists tell us what can and what cannot be done. Our politicians are a bunch of crybabies and whiners. Whine, whine, whine; that’s all we hear, day-in and-day-out, year after year.”

“So it’s not a Republican or Democrat thing?”

“No, but it is the right thing. And here comes my train, so I’ve got to run. Bye, Roving and crew.”

“And off she goes. Let’s pause for these important messages.”

I Can Help” (3:57)

“And we’re back to ask this man what’s going on.”

“Search me; better to ask someone who has an opinion. I’m not allowed to have an opinion; I’m married.”

“Yes, well, I know what you mean. But let’s suspend reality for a spell and just pretend that you have an ounce of free will left; can we do that?”

“No. Look, I’d like nothing better, but my alter ego says no can do; my ego says no can do; and I say no can do. I’m sorry; wish I could help you, but no can do.”

“What sad occurrence got you in such a hole?”

“She’s a tyrant, I tell you, just like my mother, may she rest in peace.”

“Let me take a guess: your wife is older. How much?”

“Ten years.”

“A decade! What, you married your mother? You have a ‘Mommy Complex?’”

“No, I’m fine; it’s her: she’s got the complex.”

“Ever hear of Jessie Lee Peterson? He’ll tell you you’re a ‘Beta Male,’ as many of our politicians are, male and female, no doubt about it. Give Professor Zorkophsky a call; get some help on how to stand on your own two feet. I was married to a woman who thought I’d put up with her cheatin’ ways, but she was wrong about that: I gave her my two-week notice and left. Hey, what do you think about our illegals?”

“Hey, the Good Book says to do unto others, right? So if we were in Mexico they’d confiscate our wealth and then kick us out, wouldn’t they? Well, how about us doing the same to them: what goes around comes around. This is my train. See you around.”

“See you. And that does it for this episode of ‘Pulse’ and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Lay Lady Lay” (2:24)


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