“MANDATORY”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Nov. 1, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that will get you to question authority, the fake news and even the current temperature. Hello, my name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and I’ll be your host while we waylay a neighbor or two on their way to the big city. As you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot. Excuse me, Miss, Roving here for ‘Pulse’; care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“So this is it? This is what I’ve been watching for the last five years: one guy holding a little camera and a young lady holding what looks like a dead squirrel over my head, and you? No lighting and coffee wagon; not even crowd-control stanchions. This is some shoestring operation, so I’m not even going to waste my breath asking if you give out prizes.”
“Sorry, no prizes: just the satisfaction of being able to let your fellow citizens know what’s bugging you. So, what’s your name and what’s your main bug on this windy and cloudy day?”
“Well, my name is Jill and my main gripe is these so-called sanctuary cities. Now I ask you, what kind of example is that for our young people when we adults let people break the law and we don’t do anything?”
“Not much, I think.”
“Well, you asked and I’m telling you and here comes my train. These illegal immigrants are breaking the law just by being here and then they compound their law-breaking by theft, rape, murder and, the lowest of the low, being pedophiles. Really makes me mad, which reminds me of a woman who was raped and then the rapist was going after the woman’s daughter so she – rightfully so – killed him.”
“Good story.”
“But not the ending.”
“How so? I thought you said she killed the jerk?”
“I did, but she was so full of rage that she dragged his body through the streets of the town and dumped his body in a ditch.”
“So far, so good. So what happened? She gets cited for littering?”
“Now that would make sense, but some male judge doesn’t understand ‘rape’ or how a mother may act when her daughter was going to get raped, too. The other jerk in this story is the judge who sentenced the mother to ten YEARS in prison*, forcibly separating mother and daughter. So where’s the logic or the common sense in that? Where’s the justice?”
“Nowhere, that’s for sure. Here’s your train; nice talking with you. What do you say we break for a commercial?”
“Homeward Bound” (2:30)
“Excuse me, Sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the family show that’s talked about the next morning at the water cooler. So, mind talking with us?”
“Not at all; train isn’t due for another ten minutes.”
“Great. So, what’s your name and what do you do for a living, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“No, I don’t mind, don’t mind at all. Happy to tell you: I’m an idea man; name is Stan. I see a problem and make up an idea to fix it. And before you ask, I’ll tell you. See, we got these illegal immigrants in our country and they’re killing us. Sometimes they beat us to death; other times they get drunk and kill us by running a red light. Either way, we’re dead and they’re the ones that killed us. So what we should do is charge the illegal immigrants a 10% surcharge whenever they send money out of the country.”
“I like the idea, but who gets the money? Surely you’re not going to give it to the Feds?”
“No, of course not. What we do is send these Angel Moms into each and every political convention. Matter of fact, we’re trying to make it, in order to obtain a political rally permit, mandatory to have at least one Angel Mom with a GUARANTEE to have at the minimum five minutes to address the crowd.”
“So what’s your job in all of this?”
“I do the bookings: you know, transportation, food, taxi fare and the 101 other things that pop up. I pay myself what a person would make for any big company doing the same thing.”
“I like it. It seems that the Republicans would welcome the Angel Moms; but what about the Democrats?”
“Big problem. We send an Angel Mom to a Democratic rally and the cops are there to arrest them for trespassing.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was. Look, I’m sorry to have to run but I got to meet an Angel Mom at the station downtown. Thanks for having me on; the more people who know about how the Democratic Party shuns these Angel Moms the better. Bye.”
“Hey, thanks for taking the time to inform us of the situation. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Imagine the Democrats refusing to have an Angel Mom speak at one of their political rallies; it boggles the mind. Hey; burger time: my treat.”
[*10 years in prison: I’d have given her the key to the city.]
“Here, There and Everywhere” (2:25)