“PLAYING ON EMOTIONS”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Oct. 24, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your one-stop for what’s true today. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this episode. As you can see, we’re back on our corner across from the railroad station waylaying our neighbors as they catch the commuter train to the big city. Excuse me, Sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“Oh, yes, of course. Watch your show and particularly like your regulars; I mean, the regulars that you don’t have on that much.”
“Which ones would that be?”
“That fortune-teller, Madam Shylock, for one; and that Chief, New Leaf, I think his name is. And there are others. You used to travel a lot more than you used to.”
“We don’t travel as much because I’m forced to cover the expenses since my pay raise. So Trump increases my take-home pay and then the station implements a new policy of me actually making the phrase ‘my treat’ a reality.”
“Meanwhile, my business is booming, no pun intended, I assure you.”
“Mind explaining yourself?”
“Only if it’s confidential. This is guarded information; we wouldn’t want it to get out there and become fodder for the pundits. Okay, I’m a Democratic strategist, so it’s my job to invent the lies that we think will float; are you with me?”
“All the way.”
“We learned a couple of things during the Kavanaugh hearings, but the most important fact that really opened our eyes was how vital the sympathy vote can be.”
“So can you tell us what constitutes a sympathy vote?”
“Sure. We over-attacked Kavanaugh’s family, so much so, it turns out, that too many people felt a little bit too sad: we overplayed our hand.”
“So the allegations against Kavanaugh were all a farce?”
“Okay, I know you asked that question for some of your dumb viewers out there so I’ll keep my sarcasm in check.”
“Thank you, I’m sure. So you’re what, sending bombs to Democrats now? How dumb are you people, anyway? The bad guys wouldn’t target one of their own, would they? It backfired on you, didn’t it?”
“We completely underestimated that anybody cared for ANY Democrat, I’m sorry to say.”
“So what’s your part in all of this?”
“I come up with the idea and then take bids on who sends bombs to people on the list.”
“But isn’t that against the law?”
“Law? Don’t act so stupid. Hillary isn’t going to jail; now what does that tell you? No, what we’re doing is trying to garner some sympathy so we can win the midterms, but we actually had no idea how little people cared about people who were quote targeted unquote.”
“I was watching this Cuomo idiot on television; him saying how seriously they take terrorism. Where was he on 9-11? Did he see any Muslims in New York City the year before 9-11? Did he see any Muslims in New York State that year, 2001? Did the NYPD arrest and deport any Muslims that week? Give me a break.”
“Some Muslims are moderate.”
“Just like some Brown Recluse Spiders are afraid of the dark. Look, don’t try that ‘moderate’ malarkey on me; explain it to those who were forced to jump out of the Twin Towers or who burned to death at the Pentagon.”
“I’m here because I’m a nice guy, so you can’t be rude to me.”
“You just said that you’re a Democrat; you told me you completely made up this Kavanaugh rape story; you just said that you’re playing the media about this sorry ‘Bomb Democrats’ that nobody cares about in the first place, so, yes, I have a right to be rude to you: Sayonara.”
“And there he goes; good riddance; playing on emotions. Let’s take a break.”
“Lockwood’s Boogie” (3:06)
“Well, here we are, back in the studio. What happened was that our publisher was down on our corner – checking up on us, I suppose – and thought that the above interview was important enough to air ASAP so off we went and here we are.
“And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Okay, crew, good work getting this out so fast. Let’s grab some burgers: my treat.”
“I Want You, I Need You, I Love You” (3:01)