“TAKING POTSHOTS”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Sep. 18, 2018) —“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your number one source to quench your thirst for the truth, or at least our version of it. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be waylaying our neighbors as they’re about to board the train to the big city. Excuse me, sir; care to be interviewed on live TV? Roving for ‘Pulse,’ where we delve into what makes American’s tick.”
“You’re not one of those fake news stations, are you?”
“You speak as if it’s catching. No, we’re as real as my sincerity for my past sins, this I can assure you.”
“And you sound like one of those cashiered divinity students.”
“No, I’m not, but if I was I would be. So what’s your name and what’s your main concern these days?”
“Name’s Frank and I’m concerned about how stupid some of those politicians in Washington are these days, starting with Dianne Feinstein. You know what the problem is, don’t you?”
“Tell us, Frank.”
“The problem is that there’s nobody around these kooks to tell them their time has expired; they’re no longer needed or, for that matter, wanted; and it’s time for them to leave before they do any more harm to the country than they already have.”
“That sounds about right. And they sure can’t depend on their staff to tell them the truth or it’ll mean the gravy train for all of them will come to a screeching stop.”
“That’s right; so Feinstein says the other day she had this information about Judge Brett Kavanaugh since July and we’re supposed to take it? I don’t think so. So maybe women want equality, right? So maybe we ought to tar and feather her along with that RINO Ryan, you with me?”
“One hundred percent, Frank, and I believe your train is pulling in. See you around and thanks for talking with us. Commercial break; be right back.”
“House of the Rising Sun” (2:54)
“You want me to do an announcement? I thought we decided we weren’t going to do that. Now? Okay, our producer has decided that we ought to do some public announcements now and then, I think to keep the FCC off our backs for advocating Obama and his Cabinet spend the rest of their worthless lives in cages down in GITMO. Okay, okay: people, it takes just two inches of flowing water to wash a car off the road. How was that? More emotion? Maybe some other time. Another commercial? No way. Excuse me, Miss, care to be on ‘Pulse,’ the exciting TV show?”
“For sure; cat and I watch you all of the time. You’re a lot better-looking in person than on the TV; on the TV you look overweight but in person it all fits.”
“That’s what they say, the camera adds ten pounds.”
“More like 20.”
“So, what’s your name and what are your pet peeves?”
“Name is Sue and I don’t have but a dozen or so peeves, but my pet one is the Iran deal that Obama orchestrated so he could give billions to his bosses in Tehran; and why wasn’t Kerry arrested as soon as he stepped foot back in the USA after he went to Iran and made fools of us all? He has no authority undermining our president, the louse.”
“Agreed; so what about the UN?”
“Another peeve; trust me. What did some writer for The Post & Email call the UN? The ‘Muslim Admiration Society,’ or something along those lines. And that’s my answer and here’s my train. By the way, my cat, Casper, meows and purrs whenever the Talking Dog is on. Bye.”
“Thanks for talking with us. We’ll do that commercial now.”
“The One Who Really Loves You” (2:24)
“We’ll do one more interview. You, sir, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse,’ the oasis of truth in a sea of fake news?”
“Are we on TV, for real? Let me say that the potshots they’re taking at Kavanaugh are so darn transparent it makes me want to shout out in rage; it makes me so mad.”
“That’s nice. Mind telling us your name and what you do for a living?”
“Oh, sure: I’m Vance and I write television commercials.”
“Give us a sample.”
“Well, here’s one I’m working on:
Don’t cook the meal: we’ll do it for you.
Don’t set the table or do the dishes, too.
Pastor Dunkin’s fish fry is the place to be,
On every monthly third Sunday, weather permitting.
I think I’ll use the music of ‘Poor Little Fool’ (2:32), but I’m not sure. What do you think, Roving?”
“I think you’re out of your gourd. You got to be putting us on; else you’re starving. You got to be kidding. Here comes a train, but tell us the truth: you really a songwriter?”
“I take that as an insult, Roving. Now I know how Bret Kavanaugh feels, trust me. And his wife and kids; I’m offended for real. I’m gone.”
“Look, maybe it’s not as bad as I think it is; what do I know? I’m getting a mean look from our boss who is making strange motions with her hands. Oh, she’s pointing. Oh, I get it: she’s pointing at the awning and the street corner; I guess I forgot to mention that we’re on our usual corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad station, okay? And that’ll do it.
“Look, this sex charge against Kavanaugh is such a bogus setup, just as bogus as the Russian collusion hoax, that we shouldn’t even give it the time of day. Really below-the-belt political tactics; at least that’s my take.
“And now it’s that time where I say, on behalf of the crew, to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show but that songwriter was something else, wasn’t he? Burger time: my treat.”
“Suspicious Minds” (4:30)