“THE MOST POPULAR COSTUME”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Sep. 5, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the entertaining and informative show. If this is the first time you’ve tuned in, what we do is waylay folks just like you on their way to the big city and ask them what bugs them. We usually set up shop right here, on the corner under the awning, across the street from the railroad station. And here comes someone now. Excuse me, sir, Roving Reporter for ‘Pulse,’ the ever-…”
“I know; I know. You were going to say, ‘…popular news show,’ weren’t you? I ought to know; we watch your show enough. Wife likes that Indian Chief. The only person that makes any sense is that Talking Dog, if you ask me.”
“But…”
“I know; I know. ‘The dog doesn’t actually talk. The dog uses telepathy to communicate with the Vietnam Veteran.’ Even so, those two make the most sense. By the way, where are they? Haven’t seen them in a week or so and they used to be on so often.”
“They’re around. Look, I got to get this show on the road. They say we Americans are the most impatient people on the face of the earth, and don’t I know it. When I left my wife, by the time I reached the edge of town, I thought about going back but then I thought about her already having made plans to go out that night, so I kept on driving.”
“You left a lifetime together on a hunch?”
“What’s your name and what are you up to today?”
“Name is Chuck and I’m going to my office, where I’m a marriage counselor.”
“Funny guy.”
“It’s true and here’s my card. You need an appointment.”
“And you need to catch this incoming train.”
“I’ll tell you what bugs me: people like you. You ought to slow down and smell the flowers. Okay; okay, I’m going.”
“You know what? It really does say ‘Marriage Counselor.’ Anyway, it’s time for a commercial break.”
“Daydream Believer” (2:57)
“And we’re back. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on TV?”
“For sure. What do you want to know?”
“What’s your name and what do you do?”
“My name is Anita and I’m a designer of Halloween costumes.”
“So what’s the timeline from idea to getting it on the shelves or on the Internet?”
“Two years, and before you ask, the number one mask this year is the ‘Kaepernick Clown.’”
“He’s a clown?”
“For sure, and all we had to do was to dye his hair. Red is by far the most popular, although day-glow-green is right behind. Selling like hotcakes and, not to be blowing my own horn, it was I who made the call for what’s going to be the most popular costume this season. And with my bonus I’ll be able to buy a house. Oh, here comes my train. Bye.”
“Bye. And congratulations. Let’s take a commercial break.”
“Stay with Me” (4:38)
“Okay, now, we’ve got time for one more interview. Excuse me, sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“Did you see the Kavanaugh hearing this morning? One of these days one of those left-wing loonies is going to say they wrong thing and, well, all I can say is that I’m glad I wasn’t at the hearing; you with me?”
“Oh, yes, for sure, and look who just walked up: the Vietnam Vet and the Talking Dog. Okay, see you around. Hey, you two, what are you up to? But first we have to break for a commercial.”
“Baby I Need Your Loving” (2:45)
“And we’re back. Okay, what’s new?”
“The Talking Dog says she heard what that guy said, about catching one of these ANTIFA-Left-Wing-Loonies when they act like well, how about resisting a conservative spokesperson on any of our campuses of higher learning?”
“That’s pretty good, but what would the Talking Dog actually do? We can’t condone biting or any other type of violence. Logic doesn’t work; facts don’t seem to make any inroads on their thinking, so what’s the answer?”
“The dog says Voter Identification, and without an ID you can’t have a bank account, apartment or a driver’s license, so the argument about having an ID is bogus. There is no racism in a name, address and place of birth. Facts are free of bias, something the Hillary crybabies have yet to learn.”
“Yes, you’re right. Be pretty darn hard to scam the system if everyone has an ID and if the penalties are severe and actually enforced for using a fake ID. I say ten years in the slammer for falsifying a ballot; you agree?”
“With no parole, which reminds me we should model our prison system how the Japanese do it: no parole board and no ‘good time.’ We’re off to the dog park. Bye.”
“Bye Talking Dog and Vet. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse’ and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Nobody But Me” (2:22)