by OPOVV, ©2018

(Apr. 21, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that’s usually talked about at the water cooler the next morning: ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ Hello, my name is Roving and, as you can see, we’re under the awning on the corner across the street from the railroad station about to interview this guy. Hey, mister, care to be interviewed on television?”

“Oh, you’re that Roving character. We enjoy your show and never miss it, but I’ve got a couple of complaints.”

“Okay, what’s your name; what do you do and what’s the complaint?”

“Name is Jack and I’m a high school teacher of physical science.”

“That’s interesting. So, what’s happening with physical science these days? Anything new under the sun to complain about?”

“Well, that’s what I teach: I teach the truth.”

“What ‘truth?’”

“The truth that the moon landing is a hoax, along with the world is just a ball floating in space. How can something as big as the earth just ‘float?’ What’s holding the earth up, does anybody know?”

“It’s called ‘gravity.’  You really are a teacher?”

“I teach the kids the truth. I teach the kids that the earth is flat sitting on the back of a very large turtle, and if you don’t buy into that you must be anti-turtle.”

“I’ll have you know that some of my best friends are turtles. You ever hear of Turtle Who Sits on Rock in Moonlight’?”

“Of course; what’s the point?”

“The point is that I’m not ‘anti-turtle.’ Matter-of-fact, I’ve never heard of such a thing, someone, anyone, be ‘anti-turtle.’ How ridiculous; what’s the point?”

“Conspiracy, that’s the point. Think Deep State; think Bureaucracy Run Amuck; think DHS welcoming people who want to kill us; think little insignificant people* finally getting to play hall monitor.”

“So the ‘earth on turtle’s back’ was, what, a joke?”

“No joke; I don’t joke about turtles and neither should you. How many turtles are run over each day? I’ll tell you: too many. One run-over turtle is one too many. And here comes my train. Remember: no turtle, no home. Bye.”

“Goodbye. No wonder our kids are nuts. What do you say we break for a commercial?”

Goodnight, My Love” (3:15)

“Okay, we’re back. Read a letter? No, maybe later; what do you say we interview this young lady? Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse.’ Care to be interviewed on live TV?”

“For sure; wouldn’t miss it for the world. Watched your show from day one. Heard that interview with that high school science teacher just now; was he for real?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“So much for standing on the shoulders of giants,‘ wouldn’t you say?”

“Most definitely. So what’s your name; what do you do; and where are you off to today?”

“My name is Annabel, I’m a receptionist at a brokerage firm. Since it’s my day off, I’m off to the Science and Industry Museum to watch the model trains go around in circles, plus I like to watch the giant pendulum swing back and forth.”

“Let me guess: you’re prone to like things going around in circles, am I right?”

“Wow, you’re totally amazing; before you know it you’ll be taking over Madam Shylock’s Emporium down in Florida. Look, I want to say something. I don’t know if I can make a bet on television or not: can I?”

“You not only can but you may as well.”

“You’re a pretty funny guy; good with words.”

“So what’s the bet?”

“I’ll put up 10 Certificates of Deposits for anyone who can prove there’s not a buried body as a result of an honor killing‘’** in any of the 22+ Islamavilles*** around the country. My $100,000 against anyone’s $50,000. I think that’s more than fair, don’t you?”

“Well, sure: the money part seems fair but there’s not anyone on the planet who would take that bet. Why, that would be like taking candy from a baby.”

“Serves them right. Look at all those idiots who voted for Obama, and Obama again and then voted for ‘get in back of the line’ Hillary. Why, I bet half of Minnesotans would take that bet, they’re so stupid; I mean the Twin City folks, not the farmers. And all the idiots who buy that socialist malarkey from the Southern Poverty Law Center, a den of iniquity if there ever was one. Heck, that wacko governor from California, Jerry ‘Moonbeam’ Brown, would take that bet, I bet. I hope. I’d make a killing.”

“I’ve heard of bad puns, but that was the worst. You better apologize to our viewers, okay?”

“Okay, I apologize, but why don’t you let me tell them where to send the money; would that be alright?”

“No, I’m afraid not. That would be like telling people they can get free college tuition by voting for Bernie. No, we may be off-the-wall at times, but one thing we can say is we’re not dishonest. No, you can’t take advantage of stupid people like that. Is that your train? Enjoy the museum.

“And off she goes. We have a minute before the next commercial, a hard break as it’s called in the industry, so I’ve got time to say something and what I want to say is that I’ll bet $100,000 with anyone who can prove to me ‘honor killing’ corpses are not buried in any of the 22+ Islamovilles scattered throughout our country. Even bet. Now the commercial.”

The Cowboy Rides Away” (3:22)

“Time for one more interview. You, there; what’s the hurry? Next train isn’t for another 7 minutes. Care to be on ‘Pulse,’ the forever exciting info-news show?”

“I heard you making that bet; how in the tarnation can you hope to collect?”

“Easy: anyone dumb enough to believe there isn’t a body of a female buried in the basement of a mosque; the backyard of a Muslim house; or in anyone of the Islamovilles in our country has to automatically pay up as soon as they make the bet. It goes to reason; it’s called common sense.”

“Well, I must say, you’ve got a pretty good point.”

“I’ll say I do. I like to get on some talk show and really rake in the dough. Let me ask you this: where do you plan on going for vacation this year?”

“We were thinking of Europe but we changed our minds when we heard that they have one heck of a serious Muslim ‘refugee’ problem. I suspect that the first problem they have is to call an invading army ‘refugees’ instead of troops. Heck, if they’re that stupid the heck with them, so this year we’re renting an RV and going to Glacier National Park. Looking forward to it. And here’s my train. Nice to have talked with you, Roving, and I hope you don’t edit me out.”

“Not a chance. Well, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse’ and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another great show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*little insignificant people: but not all. I estimate that as many as 10% of government employees are dedicated and good at their jobs.]

[**’honor killings’: the worldwide Islamic World War is a war against the women of the world. It’s a war against women for a bunch of dirty old men to have their way with women, including torture, disfigurement, maiming, and premeditated murder: MURDER ONE.]

[***Islamavilles: the displaced Afghan terrorist training camps had to go somewhere after 9-11, so the DHS relocated them into the United States and the FBI doesn’t give a hoot. And if anyone disagrees with me I’ll prove them wrong by just pointingout  one radical Muslim in our country.]

Nessun Dorma” (3:04)


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