“RIPE WITH A DEADLY INFECTION”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Apr. 8, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a special edition of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Let’s get our first commercial out of the way, okay?”
“New York, New York” (3:25)
“Okay, we’re back. We’ve been mysteriously summoned back to Farmer ‘K’s farm, about 30 miles west of town, to receive ‘some kind of strange writings.’ And here we are, just pulling into the grove. Hello, Farmer ‘K’; mind if I ask you what your first name is?”
“Nope, don’t mind at all; you can ask me anything you want; doesn’t mean I’ll answer, or if I do answer, it’ll be the right answer. Maybe I won’t give you the correct answer; whose fault is that? There’s no guarantees in life, save one. But my first name is ‘Farmer’; last name is the letter ‘K,’ spelled with a large ‘K.’ And before you ask, my daddy was a ‘Farmer’ and so was his daddy. Why, I can trace my whole lineage all the way back to Noah, but we know him as ‘Farmer Noah.’ The Bible just calls him Noah, but we who are ‘Farmers’ knowed him as ‘Farmer Noah.’”
“Stop, please. Look, I don’t want to appear rude, but do you have any inkling how utterly ridiculous that all sounds? Next you’ll be telling me that you can also trace your mother back forever.”
“And next I’ll say that I can trace my mother back to the time of Noah, because he was married to ‘Mother Noah.’ Look here: I got this from the sky, I did, so I calls you to come and see what you think of it; strange markings and all.”
“Thanks; let me have a look. See this here? These so-called ‘strange writings’ are called ‘cursive,’ something that’s fast becoming a lost art. By the way, where’d you go to school?”
“‘George Washington Comic Book Elementary-12.’”
“I’ll read this after this commercial break.”
“The Purple People Eater” (2:15)
“Greetings to you, Lowly Earthlings. We’ve been watching you make a mess of things, so before we forget, thanks for the entertainment. As some of you figured out, life forms are rare, but when you’re talking, not millions of habitual planets, but billions, it’s not as rare as you’ve led yourselves to believe.
“But what makes you so unique of all the life forms we’ve studied is your ability to be as stupid as you pretend to be. Really, now, you study the ancient artifacts of the people who lived many thousands, hundred of thousands and even a million years ago, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
“Matter of fact, in many of you it doesn’t even go in one ear: you’ve a time warp that doesn’t make a lick of sense: nothing existed before Muhammad. Had the Muslim Brotherhood took over Egypt (like your Secretary of State Hillary and de facto president Obama wanted) the pyramids, along with the Sphinx and all the statues and carvings in the Egyptian Antiquities Museum, would’ve been dynamited and pulverized by now. What a colossal waste paying tribute to ignorance.
“There’s a direct correlation between what you know and what you think you know to what you think you know to what you really know. It’ not at all confusing if you look at it this way: pretend you’re sitting around a campfire and then ask yourself this question: are you sitting close enough to get burnt? Is your skin blistering? No, I didn’t think so, and neither did you.
“So you know that the fire is hot, and if the fire is hot to you it would also – you think – be as hot to any of your friends; and if you think the fire would also be hot to others then you really know that the fire is hot to all, including protozoa and giraffes.
“I’m getting a signal that we have to break for a commercial.”
“Walkin’ in the Rain” (2:47)
“And so if you wish to go through your day without getting burnt, you keep away from fires; furthermore, you don’t spend your time burning others to feel what you would feel if they burned you: welcome to the Golden Rule*.
“And that’s the key and all other keys follow. That there are some in your group who fail to see what’s right in front of them is what we call ‘Denial Specie Specific’ (DSS)’, and that’s the kind of behavior exemplified by the PM of Germany, English Anglican Bishops and the Pope. When a group of people condone pouring an ignition source (such as gasoline) on an animal (human, donkey, armadillo) and laugh at the resulting terror, then you’ve got one heck of a serious problem. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your planet is ripe with a deadly infection that you seem to be ignoring completely: it’s like your finger has gangrene and you’ve two choices: cut it off and live or ignore it and die.
“The ‘DSS’ brothers and sisters of your population are ignoring the facts before them. Get it? No, you don’t and you never will. You think by example you’ll ‘win the hearts and minds’ of your enemies, not knowing or refusing to understand they take your childish actions as an act of capitulation; that you’re begging to submit. Good luck with that.
“And another thing: why don’t your rent-a-car agencies require some kind of driver’s test for Muslims, since they seem to have an awfully high percentage of ‘steering problems?’
“You’ve no idea of all the stuff we have to avoid out in space: you’re wasting your time fighting with one another rather than planning for the day when a large object has you in its sights. We won’t save you, you know: it’s not in our Prime Directive.
“We just did a flyover and threw this note out the door to Farmer K, knowing he would call Roving who, in turn, would read this warning to you all. So take heed, even though you won’t, but even though you keep on chasing our cousins off your yards and golf courses, we feel better having tried to help you. It’s up to you to face the facts: Muslims don’t share the same World View as does the rest of humanity.
“In closing, stop being such pansies and go after the idiots who attack the patriots of America. I mean it, because your enemy is a lot bigger than the simple-minded Democrats that you think they are: they’re the real NAZIs; the real Deep State; and the real enemies of the Beacon of Hope for Your World.
“Sincerely, and Good Luck, from your Magenta Armadillo Space Cadets, serving the living things in your ‘Local Group.’
“And that’s all she wrote and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Do you believe any of this? Good advice, though, I think. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Golden Rule: So here’s the question: how many Muslims woke up and said, ‘Gee, I hope someone beheads me today’? I’ll tell you: not a one, so why do they think that it’s okay to do it to others but not to themselves? That’s called pure and simple insanity: there’s no way possible to justify a sane person acting like a psychopathic moron.]
“Where The Blarney Roses Grow” (4:15)