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by OPOVV, ©2017

Section of the “Embarcadero” section of San Francisco, where Kate Steinle was murdered in July 2015

(Aug. 2, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another seemingly unending visit to Professor’s Zorkophsky’s office here at the university to celebrate his latest bestseller: “We’re All Part Groundhog: A Time Traveler’s Guide to Life.’ Hello, and thank you for joining ‘Pulse of the Nation’; so glad you could join us. I’m your Roving Reporter, and with me here is none other than our good friend, Professor ‘Zork’ Zorkophsky. Another one on the charts, which makes what, eleven in a row?”

“Twelve, and, knock-on-wood, counting. Isn’t it great? Every time I check my bank balance it increases like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Try me.”

“Esoteric, Roving. You must start to be paying attention, which is why I’ll sell you this book here for an even $20. Such a deal, and I’ll even autograph it. Here, I’ll sign it: To our favorite reporter, Roving. Good Luck, Zork. Twenty, if you don’t mind.”

“No thanks. Tell you what: after the show I’ll treat you to a burger.”

“Fair enough. Now let me tell you all about my new moneymaker. You see, I got the idea listening to Rachmaninov.  What I was doing was searching for music for my next play and it occurred to me that Sergei’s music has been over-used by Hollywood. I mean, take Sergei’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini: every time I hear it I see groundhogs, which got me to thinking. That’s how I came-u  with ‘A Time Traveler’s Guide to Life.’

“No kidding?”

“Cross my heart. Listen: Groundhog Day.”

“Okay, I hear you. You said ‘Groundhog Day.’”

“Yes, that’s the whole point!”

“I’m sorry: I must’ve missed it. Try again.”

“Groundhog Day.”

“Okay, that’s my limit. Everyone gets one free pass, and then I throw in another free pass because I consider myself a kind and caring human being, but that’s it. Two free passes is my limit and you’re there; fair warning. Maybe I didn’t make myself perfectly clear: you said ‘Groundhog Day.’ Now, as I said, fair warning. Try again.”

“My, my; did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? No no, don’t answer. I’ve a feeling that some story from your military days you’re about to spring on me. Such violence!”

“Wasn’t me: I didn’t start anything. Heck, I was pushing little cars around the kitchen floor when it started. I just visited Southeast Asia and then I got a ringside seat during the Six-Day War in Israel. But, no, I wasn’t going to say that you can’t be crawling on ground with a knife clenched by your teeth; that’s just in the movies. Now tell me this Time Travel theory you came up with.”

“Well, basically, it’s the premise that you don’t get to do anything over again. I was married once, and when I found out she was cheating on me — committing adultery — I packed up all of my worldly belongings and left. But I still loved her, but the trust was shattered. And, crazy as it may sound, I still love her, but once a liar, who knows, right? It’s really a sad story, but you know what? Just about everyone has a sad story somewhere in their past, just as I think every family is dysfunctional, you know what I mean?

“We’re ALL Time Travelers, whether we like it or not. The clock starts when we take our first breath and the clock stops when we take our last. These abortion clinics are way too much for me to handle. Sometimes a baby is aborted but breathing, and then they murder it. Now I can see taking the life of your enemy on the field of battle. Nowadays the field of battle is right outside your front door. These people who find themselves in so-called sanctuary cities are really unlucky. Heck, go to the park on a nice sunny weekend and get murdered by an illegal immigrant, and if our government would just do the job that they’re supposed to, Kate Steinle and thousands of others took their last breath prematurely. You know we have a treaty with Mexico that we won’t execute any Mexican who murder us?

“So we’re all Time Travelers, and as such we have a responsibility to ourselves to get it right the first time. Now this animal that murdered Kate Steinie was deported five times from our country back to Mexico, imagine that? Now there’s a person who’ll never get it right, no matter how many times he tries. It happens and he’s the proof, and there’s thousands of walking proofs out there, many of them in our so-called sanctuary cities.

“When you think about it, the sanctuary part of the cities should be for the law-abiding citizens and not for the criminals. Listen: by definition, an illegal immigrant has already broken the law, so get over the ‘breaking up families’ whine; I’m tired of it. If the parents were responsible in the first place there’d be no problem, now, would there? What are we supposed to do, be their guardians? Not me, not me. They made the mistake of breaking our laws and now they’ve got to accept the consequences of their free ride through life on the American taxpayers’ shoulders.”

“That’s right, Zork. As they say in the military, go tell it to the chaplain, because I sure don’t want to hear people whine when they brought all their problems down on themselves.”

“And neither does the chaplain.”

“Esoteric, Zork, esoteric. Let me ask you about Scotland.”

“History: they’ll get the Sharia even before Sweden, believe it or not. They’re the abortion and FGM capital of Europe. But let me tell you about Chapter 9: Jewish Guilt. Now way back in 2008, every one knew Obama was an agent for Iran. I knew it; you knew it; and every New York Jewish person knew it and yet, and get this, the New York Jews overwhelmingly voted for the arch — Muslim — enemy to control them: why?”


“You read my book. Correct answer.”

“But they’re hurting everyone in the electoral process, aren’t they?”

“Everywhere. If any group of people really needed to read my book, it’s them. There’s no second chance. The first time around is your last time around, so get it right the first time. And as far as Muslims go, blowing oneself up for the glory of getting it really wrong has never been the answer. Hope your viewers buy the book; they’ll enjoy it.”

“I’m sure they will, Zork. Thanks for the interview. And now it’s that time for me, on behalf of the crew, to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show; again. Hey crew, Zork’s joining us for burgers: my treat.”

Good Timin’



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