“THE ‘OCCUPIERS'”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Jun. 2, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and do we ever have a show for you. We’re out here on location, and if ever there were an ‘on location,’ this is it. What happened was that the good professor – that would be our very own Professor Zorkophsky, who goes by the handle of ‘Zork’ — called and said he made the most important discovery since sliced bread and M&M’s. I vaguely remember the words ‘Chalice,’ ‘Dark Matter,’ ‘The Meaning of Life,’ and the real reason why the ever-popular television cartoon, ‘Dastardly and Muttley,’ was canceled. There may have been others.
“Okay, Zork, what gives? What the heck is it and what’s it doing out here in the middle of nowhere? When was it discovered? What’s it all mean? This reminds me of all those Sci-Fi flicks that make the humans run around in circles when the flying saucer lands.”
“Actually, it was your friend Chief New Leaf who heard about it years ago from his grandmother. She told New Leaf about a very ancient structure that was used by crazy people to either become normalized or go ‘off the wall.’”
“I see you used quotes around ‘off the wall.’ Are we to apply some significance to that fact?”
“Plenty. This is the wall that people have been going off of for millennia.”
“You mean to tell me that this is the wall that is referred to when someone say’s ‘He’s off the wall?’ or ‘over the wall*?’
“Yes, of course. Pay attention, please. Notice anything a little strange about how the wall is constructed?”
“Well, it sure isn’t very wide, I mean, at the top. Be hard to sit on.”
“Precisely. Now what people used to do would be to bring a friend or relative to this place and place the afflicted upon the top. They had ladders, okay? The people who needed help wouldn’t come here by themselves; I mean, crazy people don’t usually voluntarily check in to the loony bin, right? Okay, so they sit the nut on the wall and wait and see what happens. If the nut can stand and walk to the other end that means they’re not crazy but, on the other hand, if they fall while trying to stand, or fall trying to get to the end, it is said that they’re OFF THE WALL.
“Wait, there’s more. They would sit the nut on the wall, right? Now the wall is very narrow, so as to keep their balance they would have to continually adjust their center of gravity, thus they would appear to be rocking.”
“Don’t tell me: if they’re rocking and fall off the wall then they’re OFF THEIR ROCKER. Is this for real? How long did you say this has been going on, I mean, people visiting this place?”
“Many thousands of years; maybe 20,000 or more. This place just happens to be the original Delphi Oracle, Lourdes France; Disneyland all wrapped up into one. What I mean is that this wall, this very wall in front of you, is none other than the original destination for all enlightened people. You see, you don’t have to be really crazy, maybe just think you’re ‘over the edge,’ get it?”
“You mean Hillary and Schumer have been here, at this very spot?”
“No they haven’t because it’s on an Indian reservation and, therefore, closed to the public. Actually, Chief New Leaf and Little Turtle who sits on rock in moonlight, in association with Madam Shylock’s Fortune-Telling Union, are working on a TV game show. From our sample survey the consensus is that if we had politicians running for reelection (that’s redundant, isn’t it?) the show is a guarantee to be #1, so let’s wish them luck.”
“Really, now? I like that idea. Is this the only wall of its kind in the world?”
“Glad you asked: no, it’s not. The other one is to be found in the basement of the Hanoi Hilton. Matter-of-fact, Senator John McCain stayed there.”
“They ever put him on the wall?”
“What do you think? They gave him back, didn’t they?”
“I think our time is up. Hey, thanks for showing us ‘THE WALL.’”
“No problem. Glad to help.”
“Well, I suppose we can refer to this edition of ‘Pulse’ as a little bit off-the-wall. Just thinking, but do you think there’s any Obots (Hillary lovers/Socialist admirers who can’t equate defeated World War II Germany and today’s Venezuela with Bernie Sanders rantings of a senile old man) who have 401K’s becoming more valuable since Trump got elected? Do you think that they can connect the dots? I doubt it, too.
“Why, just look at all the total losers out there, and in our country alone. You have the ‘Occupiers’; Rachael Maddow; The Five and their viewers; Chuck Schumer; Michael Moore; John Kerry; 99% of Hollywood; Bob Beckel; everyone who voted anti-America/anti-Constitution; pro-stupid; pro-whine; Black Lives Matter at the cost of every other life form; pro-beheading and blowing up Jewish day care centers; and don’t mention that Hillary gave the Russians 20% of our uranium so the Russians can sell it to the Iranians at a 100% markup. I’m done.”
“At this time, on behalf of the crew, I want to wish each one of you stalwart viewers a goodnight: Goodnight.
“One crazy show. Hey, Zork, care to join us for burgers? My treat.”
[*’Over the wall’: not to be confused with AWOL (Absent Without Leave) in the US military. Also may mean escape from a prison.]