A PLATFORM “BASED ON NOTHING”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Feb. 22, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that gets people talking at the water cooler. Hello, I’m Mr. Roving and will be your host for tonight’s show. For our diehard fans, this setting needs no introduction: we’re back in Cassadega, Florida, about to ask our favorite fortune-teller to gaze once more into her crystal ball and reveal all.”
“Not all, sonny boy. Never reveal all or they’ll never come back for more.”
“Oh, man, you startled me. Next time give me a little warning. What do you say we go inside where I can get my heart rate down below 130.”
“Leave the film crew behind, Roving. It’ll be just you and me; you can bring the dog. Sit over there, if you would, please, and cut the lights; the switch is directly behind you. I’ll play a song for you, ‘Cool Clear Water’ ,while you calm down. Good; here, have some of it: it’s cold.
“Calm? Good; the crystal ball tends to do that to people. So, as I understand it, you want to know the secret of the Democrats: how they survived as long as they have. Is that about the gist of it?”
“In a nutshell.”
“Then let’s get started. First, you pay, and the quantity and quality of my readings will depend on how generous your donation is.”
“I’m donating?”
“Why, of course you’re donating; after all, I am a church: a not-for-profit organization. I thought you knew that; I thought everybody knew that.
“Sorry: $100 is not going to cut it. For $100 I’ll just say that the Democrats left town the day JFK was murdered and Marx and Engels moved in. For a cool thousand I’ll tell you the real secret. Interested?
“Why, thank you: a cool thousand: ten $100 bills, all nice and crisp, too. For a grand we need it darker: hit that other switch right next to the first one.
“Thank you. Now we’ll get right down to the nitty-gritty. The secret of how the Democrats have survived is that they have a completely meaningless platform, and I’ll tell you how it works. Whatever it is they say may sound good, but it’s based on nothing. For instance, ‘We’ll help you; trust us’ sounds good, but after they get your vote, that’s the last you’ll hear from them until the next time, where the whole charade is repeated ad nauseam, generation after generation.
“The Democrats’ latest trick is to use the ‘fake news ploy.’ Now, we — that would be you and me — know that Hillary used her status as Secretary of State to broker the 20% uranium deal with Russia, okay? We good? Now that’s a fact. And, yes, it’s bad, it’s very bad, but if you bring it up to an anti-Trumpster they dismiss it as ‘Oh, that’s fake news;’ end of discussion. No sense in showing dated printed reports and dated videos proving that the crooked deal actually occurred because, once something is declared ‘FAKE,’ it passes into the realm of Fantasy Land, never to be believed forevermore-evermore.
“And that’s how the Democrat Party has survived on nothing but hot air and empty promises for the last 50 years. Get it? Whenever they get confronted, cornered and caught in a lie they embark on the ‘fake news ploy.’ Works every time: the perfect defense. That dog with you, that wouldn’t be the famous ‘talking dog,’ by any chance?”
“It would, indeed. We brought that Vietnam Vet down with us. Said he could use a change of scenery. Good guy.”
“Then why don’t you go down the road to that diner: they serve a mean burger and pick the dog up on your way out?”
“Sounds like a plan. Thanks for answering the question. Bye.”
“Any time, and you’re welcome. Come on in, dog, and let me read your fortune.”
“Well, folks, you heard it. The Dems use the ‘Fake News Ploy,’ the cheats. And our time is up, so on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: goodnight.
“Good show. So when you catch the Democrats on anything they just claim fake news and get away with it. Hey, burger time: my treat.”