“GREY PIECES OF MATTER”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Jul. 9, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a special edition of ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Due to a dangerous and, apparently, infectious brain disease running rampant throughout the world, and what just took place on the streets of Dallas, Texas, we’re back at the university to interview, yet again, the bestselling author, Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Welcome to the show, Zork, sorry about the short notice.”
“It’s all unraveling, this I say, yes?”
“Well, yes, I suppose, ‘cause you just said it.”
“See? I was right; I wish I weren’t, but I am. This getting paid for doing nothing infects the brain waves. These waves bouncing around inside the cranium eventually cancel each other out so all you’re left with are idiots demanding more free stuff.
“Unlike the ‘pun-dit-wits’ on TV, I get paid to think, and I think I’ll send you down the hall to Professor Pope’s office. Pope is our resident poet, you know. And, as I am, he’s published. He’ll tell you to ‘Listen to the poets for they tell stories through emotion rather than thousands of words.’ I’m not sure I understand that statement completely, but he’s got a corner office, which, I suppose, is directly related to an alumni donor out there who likes poetry.
“Forgive me, I was just rambling: don’t listen to me. Maybe I’m jealous. Do I have a window? Do you see a window?”
“Eh, earth calling Zork; come on in, Zork. We’re here to figure out those murders in Dallas.”
“Well, now, if that’s the case, then you better become a traffic accident investigator in Charlotte, NC and see if speed was a factor in ANY of their – and here’s the punch-line – ‘accidents.’”
“Just tell us about these senseless shootings, will you?”
“It all depends on who you ask. You see, the human mind is a very complicated, messed-up machine. I say ‘messed-up’ because of the product that some of these grey pieces of matter, encased in a bowling ball made of bone, attached to a stick with additional sticks for locomotion and what we call arms for using, in our case, the almighty THUMB, the one appendage that separates us from chimps and, well, whales, produce.”
“In English, if you would, please.”
“In short, Chief, the brain is capable of lying to itself and believing the lies. I mean really believing the lies to the point of defending itself to the point of death, for to expose itself of having believed a bunch of lies would mean that it wasted precious time on complete nonsense.”
“Better. Could you give us an example?”
“Dallas.”
“Dallas?”
“Dallas.”
“Dallas? That’s it?”
“No, no. Dallas; the killer; the shooter, just wasting around, bored out of his gourd because he never learned to read; never figured out that books are man’s greatest invention, although I know a person who thinks that M&M’s are man’s greatest invention.
“So this shooter, and thousands and thousands of like, well, I was going to say ‘like-minded,’ but that would shoot my theory to shreds. Let me say that knowledge is power, and scholars the world over, since time immemorial, will eventually arrive at one conclusion and one conclusion only: THE GOLDEN RULE.
“There was a time when I and a few others left our, well, I was going to say ‘home,’ but it was anything but, so I’ll just say ‘starting point.’ Okay, but before we left we had to discuss tactics, as in who crawls out first; who looks left; who looks right; who leaves last, that sort of thing.
“So let’s take what happened in Dallas a little bit further. And this applies to any and everyone, because if you’ve got crazy people out there with rifles and scopes, everything is either ‘ON’ or ‘OFF’ the table. In this instance everything has been kicked ‘OFF,’ swept away, as in “anarchy,” which means the inmates have taken over, so good luck.
“You want to go to the grocery store? And when you pull into the parking lot and see a police cruiser, what do you do? Do you feel safe and pull on in or do you go down the road where the chances of your being caught in a firefight might be a little bit less?
“Years ago there was a song called ‘Master Jack,’ about that maybe the people were lied to and they’ll start thinking for themselves. That – knowledge — is the end of this ‘Black Power’ and Islam self-destructive nonsense. Knowledge and education is the greatest enemy of stupidity and ignorance. The best cure for idleness is work and a good book.”
“But first ‘Johnny’ has to learn how to read.”
“And that’s the Achilles’ heel to my whole solution, isn’t it? Our complete lack of education in the public sector is paying major negative dividends. It’s why we have Obama and why Hillary will very likely be our next president. Stupidity will win over four-syllable words and complete sentences. And emotion will trump reason: guns don’t kill people; people kill people.”
“Golly, will you look at the time? I think the moral of it all is ‘Idle minds make trouble.’ I support the WPA, where anyone on Food Stamps or any other kind of government assistance is required to work. No work, no food, and it can’t get any easier than that. This is Chief New Leaf, on behalf of the crew, wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.”
“Great show, guys. Hey, Zork, join us for burgers in the cafeteria? They make a mean burger. My treat.”