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CAN WE BELIEVE ANYTHING THE MEDIA TELLS US?
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Dec. 30, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and do we ever have news for you tonight. Before our boss sent us out in this inclement weather, we were informed that we made the short list of ‘Editorials of the Year.’ All that’s left is for one of our interviews to be chosen and we’ll have our much-sought-after trophy. Of course there’s stiff competition from other Post & Email writers and from every other writer on the Internet. But to be on the short list you’ve got to be at least one of the best six (I think it is), which is why nominees for the motion-picture Academy Awards aren’t the least bit hesitant to mention they were nominated; I mean, to be on that narrow list is indeed an honor.
“That said, we’re once again across from the train station – under the awning – waiting to pounce on . . . Oh, look! Why, I do believe that’s Chief New Leaf Interview of an American Indian Chief (RR). Hey, Chief, over here!
“Excuse me, Chief, but you got a minute? What are you doing in town? I thought Chiefs welcomed the winter solstice and the New Year.”
“No welcome winter solstice. What you white men learn from ‘idiot box’ – television – make Indian head spin. I know what you refer to: Stonehenge. Think ‘fluke’ and you be on target. It was the moon then fascinated everyone back thousands of years ago. And we Indians have no interest in white man calendar, so there.
“I in town for big vote for your award. Very great honor to be chosen judge, of this I assure you. Now, before you can bribe me with a burger, I have a train to catch. See you at the awards ceremony.”
“Okay, see you then. What next?”
“And who would you be?”
“Not ‘who’, but, you were right: I’m a ‘what’. I’m a joke writer for comedians in England, Ireland and Wales. And does your country ever make it easy, why, you people write the jokes for me: I don’t even have to do any editing. Take Hillary, for instance. Everything she says is a joke; everything written about her is a joke. Here you have a person whose IQ is a wee bit lower than my daughter’s pet gerbil. Secretary of State Hillary was, very basically, singlehandedly instrumental in transforming Libya as non-player on the world’s terrorism stage to being one big training camp for Al Qaeda. There’s a gold mine of jokes there. Thank you, Hillary.
“And then there’s you Americans as a whole. At least we know our politicians sold our country down the river, but you Americans give the word ‘stupid’ new meaning. Now, I don’t care if Al Jazeera television has film of Christ’s Second Coming, no news organization in Great Britain would give that Arab rag the time of day. So what happens in America? Al Jazeera television writes some back-page story about Peyton Manning perhaps being associated with a hormone-enhancing drug. And? You stupid people give this ‘Creeping Sharia’ rag the time of day. Shame on you for referencing Al Jazeera in whatever context. There: I said my piece so I’m out of here. Good luck at the awards ceremony.”
“Oh, thanks. Appreciate that. Here comes a young lady. Excuse me, lady, got a minute?”
“Now I do, since I just missed my train. I watch you on television and the odds are about even on your walking away with the award. Nobody believed that story about those Armadillos from outer space, by the way.
“Your reporting on our troops committing suicide is a great public service, I must say. My ex-husband suffered from PTSD: he drank a lot so I cheated on him. One day he just packed up and left; gave me two weeks’ notice, too. But since then he cleaned up 100%: stopped drinking, smoking and any drugs. Wish I didn’t cheat on him, looking back.”
“I’ve often wondered about people committing adultery. I mean, if you’re going to cheat, why be married in the first place? Isn’t your spouse supposed to be your best friend; isn’t that what it’s all about? I always thought so. You wouldn’t lie to your best friend; of course you wouldn’t. And as for the so-called ‘thrill’ of cheating, I guess you don’t think much of other people’s feelings.”
“Well, Mr. High Horse, it’s different for a woman.”
“Look, I’m not going to stand here and conduct a street interview about the merits of cheating on your spouse. Goodbye, lady, here comes your train.
“Do you believe that? And just hours away from the award vote, too. Hope her ex-husband has a gold mine that she didn’t know about. Excuse me, sir, Roving and crew would like to ask you a question.”
“Sure thing, son, ask your question. By the way, watch your show every night. One word: entertaining, and sometimes funny. Heard the lady mention the show about the Armadillos. Was that on the up-and-up?”
“Well, you saw it on live TV, so, yes, it was 100% on the level. Here’s the question: how the Muslims act in Europe, is it just a matter of time before the Muslims in the United States follow suit?”
“What, not including 9-11 and Fort Hood? I guess I just answered your question. Got a train to catch. Good luck at the awards ceremony. Bye.”
“Bye, and thank you. Well, it seems as if the word is out. Thank you for watching. This is your Roving Reporter and crew for “Pulse of the Nation’ saying goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Wow, I had no idea the awards ceremony would generate so much interest. Let’s treat ourselves to a burger. My treat.”