by OPOVV, ©2015

(Jun. 29, 2015) — “Hello, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Our station got a rather cryptic call this afternoon asking us to be present at the unveiling of a new flag that’s supposed to represent ‘State’s Rights’ and the Constitution. So, here we are at the home of a Mr. …excuse me while I fish for my ‘Talking Points” notes. I have it: Miller, Mr. Harry Miller.”

“Hold it! Yes, you. I’ve got you covered, so don’t try anything fancy. Now, tell me who you are and what you’re doing on my property. I say I have the legal right to fill your backside full of buckshot if I’ve a mind to, so don’t try any funny stuff.”

“So what, I get shot because I don’t know what in the heck you’re talking about? Can you please be just a little more specific? You said not to try anything ‘fancy’, and then you come right back and say ‘No funny stuff’. How about making up your mind? And as long as we’re on the subject, what is, exactly, ‘fancy’ and ‘funny’ stuff’? Reminds me of the beginning of the film, ‘Blazing Saddles’ when Slim Pickens rides up and give his ‘What in the wide-wide world of sports is going on here?’ speech.”

“Okay, you done it. You gots to be that ‘Roving’ character. Now, turn around. Yep, and you look like him, too. Howdy. Name’s Harry. Pleased to meet you, Roving.”

“Can I lower my hands now? And pleased to meet you, too, I think. Geez, my crew and I almost had a collective heart attack. What you so paranoid for?”

“‘Cause they’ve made me a ‘noid, is what. You sure some kind of smart-alec, that’s for sure. I guess that’s why I watch your show, religiously, mind you.

“I’m a ‘noid ‘cause I think too much. Why, I’m thinking all the time, and the government knows it, they do. I write City Hall every week; every week. ‘To City Hall’, I put on the envelope. Theys knows me by now, all about me.”

“Well, that’s just dandy. Very patriotic, it sounds like.”

“Mister, if this gun was real I’d have used it by now. Yep, you’re that ‘Roving’ dude alright. Naw, this here gun was a stage prop when I was a stage hand at the Community Theater. Did ‘Paint Your Wagon’. They gave me this here gun because I just happen to fit in, so they say. They claim that they didn’t have to wardrobe me.

“Look, let’s walk on over to my garage and I’ll show you the flag I’ve come up with. It’s my own idea, to design a flag that stands for ‘State’s Rights’ and the Constitution.

“You see this here padlock? It’s a fake. I mean, it’s a real padlock but the insides are all melted: can’t be picked. Pretty clever. This here garage door slides this way. Why, them dumb government agents could push or pull on this here fake door handle until the cows come home, all the good it’d do ‘em.

“Look, I listen to your show so I know that you know, that Obama is a Muslim fakir, and if you and I can figure it out, with our limited resources, why can’t the government, with their unlimited resources, tell me that? Whether they’re really as stupid as they act or they’re one of them, either way, they’re awfully stupid, no matter how you cut it.

“Okay, here’s what I’ve come up with, something that we all can recognize, and I don’t care if you’re black, white, or a Cherokee Indian, this flag is America, flying in the face of ‘political correctness’. With me?”

We see Mr. Miller reach into a box on the workbench and unfurl the flag.

‘Why, that’s the Confederate Battle Flag! Is this some kind of joke?”

“No joke, ‘Roving’. This here is for real. I’ve come up with it all by myself, I did.”

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, you saw it, too. All I’ve got to say, Mr. Miller, is that I believe you.

“Well, that’s our show for tonight. We now have a flag that represents the thinking of thinking Americans. And I have to say it’s come right on time. Thanks for watching. I’ll leave it up to you to decide, a flag that’s an exact reproduction of the Confederate Battle Flag:  is this coincidence or what? Goodnight.”

Semper Fi


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