“BEYOND ALL REASON”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(May 7, 2015) — It was early morning and the sea looked as if it was made of slate. A dense fog was rolling in that you could cut with a knife. Quiet? As quiet as a Lois Lerner testimony. The faint splash of waves rolling up on a sandy beach could be heard, as was the sound of a marching band. The ship was inching closer and closer, and all of us knew we were to be beached in a matter of seconds.
The beaching was smooth as silk, and in that moment the fog bank lifted and the sun revealed “The Land of Constructive Criticism.”
A crowd of people (who looked like you and me) came down from the dunes and started handing out cards with different sayings on them. Everyone was handed a card. I got the “Speak Up or get Ulcers!” one. Some cards read “Utter it All Out!” “Say What?!” “If You Have an Opinion, We Want to Hear!” That’s right, all the cards ended with exclamation marks.
The band got louder as it crested the dunes and was followed by a dignitary of some sort flourishing a large cape with the words “FIRST AMENDMENT” embroidered upon it.
As the band stopped, a little to my left, the dignitary stood before me, bowed and started his speech:
“Welcome to our home, the “Land of Constructive Criticism,” known far and wide by our love of Freedom to do whatever floats our boat and the Liberty to speak whatever we think, whenever we think it. I think now is a good time for you to tell us what you think of our land, but first I have prepared a true “Welcoming Speech” for you and your crew. Here goes:
“Welcome, Strangers.”
Pregnant pause
“Ha! Got you. Allow me to start over:
“Welcome, Strangers who find themselves beached. But being ‘beached’ is like being ‘born’: a new life awaits you. Any concerns? Any gripes? What bugs you? Maybe you have questions? Maybe you know something others don’t; maybe you see something that all the rest of us missed.
“Maybe you think others should just shut up while the world goes down in flames. Maybe others speaking their minds bother you. Maybe you made a grievous mistake and are ashamed of how gullible you are; got taken for a ride? No matter. If you’re afraid, for whatever reason or even for no reason, one of us will stand tall and speak the Truth.
“You see, in our “Land of Constructive Criticism,” aka “Freedom of Speech,” we can say whatever we like, and if we don’t like something, if we see danger, then it’s our right and duty to exercise our free speech and tell the Truth about what’s really going on.
“The bottom line: Islam is bad news. And if it takes a cartoon contest to spread the warning; that’s just the way it is. You couldn’t make this stuff up: a cartoon contest, of all things. How utterly pathetic that people would become unglued over something so insignificant and minuscule; it’s beyond reason, but then, that’s precisely the point!”