by Pastor Dunkin, ©2026
(Mar. 23, 2026) — “Battle of New Orleans” (2:55)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Continuing in our ‘Unusual Occupation’ series, we have PFC Mark Jennings as our guest. Okay, Mark, what is it that you do which is so unusual?”
“I’m the acting General for the potential invasion by Canada.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, sir, I’m not. As soon as I graduated from Boot Camp, I was assigned to devise a defense against Canada.”
“Okay, so far, so good, but I’d have thought they would’ve assigned a real General to be in charge of thousands of miles of border.”
“Actually, Pastor, it’s a lot longer than that if we include Alaska and the coast.”
“But do you include Alaska?”
“No, actually, we don’t.”
“And why don’t you include Alaska?”
“Because it doesn’t fit on our maps, just as Hawaii doesn’t fit.”
“That makes sense. I’m almost afraid to ask, but do you have an office, staff and a budget?”
“Oh, for sure. We have offices all over the place, in secret, mind you, so as not to spill the beans.”
“Spill the beans? What beans?”
“The beans that we’re onto them, the Canucks, about invading us.”
“The Canadians want to invade us?”
“Not the real Canadians, the fake Canadians: Muslim Canadians. You see, Canada is still a part of England, and how England goes, so too Canada. England went Muslim and so will Canada.”
“When do you think this will happen?”
“The target date is 2050.”
“But you’re a PFC.”
“That is true, so the only explanation is that Congress would never call a PFC to testify, which is why the Army put me in charge.”
“I’m afraid to ask, but how many do you have on your staff, and what’s your budget?”
“I’m only allowed to say there are an adequate number on my staff with an adequate budget.”
“Can you give us a ballpark hint?”
“Let me just say thousands and millions. Maybe even millions with a ‘B.’”
“Unbelievable.”
“Thank you.”
“What’s your unit or battalion called?”
“That’s secret, sir.”
“Okay, then, I think we got out of you all we’re going to get. Thanks for the little that you gave us. This is Pastor Dunkin, along with PFC Mark Jennings, who oversees thousands of troops with a multimillion-dollar budget protecting our northern border from the Muslim hordes from Canada, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Interesting subject. Burger time: my treat.”
“Get Ready” (2:48)